Destination: Permanent Vacation

23: Akaashi

(a/n) it do be fluff (with angst that just gets fluffier)

Almost a month after the first time, it's happened a few more times and every time is different. Sometimes it's slow and sweet, like a fun addition to our morning routine, other times it's rough and heavy, taking out any of the day's stresses on the activity, and sometimes it's just quick and lazy. But what doesn't change is how attentive Bokuto is. He makes sure I'm okay, he asks before every next step, he spends a good while on aftercare and he isn't selfish, not chasing his own high regardless of whether of my feelings or closeness to finishing.

And our friendship surprisingly gets better. His newfound attentiveness leaks into our friendship, making him more aware of things about me: he asks me more about work and sometimes tries to help me; he can tell when my social battery is declining; he can tell when I'm having a bad anxiety day; he's also gaining a better understanding of what makes me uncomfortable or not.

Sadly, his new Spidey-senses- or rather owl-senses- don't alert him to the fact that Hopelessly Devoted To You is on most of my Spotify playlists or my massive whopping crush on my best friend.

I've become more aware of him as well, if that was even possible. There's more weaknesses for the list now, I can predict his emo-mode before it happens and I'm now better at preventing it and fixing it.

It's been a month since the planet went into lockdown and I started hooking up with my best friend. And I still haven't said anything.

I'm starting to feel like I don't completely need to tell him, because our current situation works so well.

A week ago, Bokuto walked into our room to find me crying in front of the bathroom mirror with my shirt off and the scales on the floor next to me... that told him everything he needed to know, so he calmed me down in our bed, wiping my tears and reassuring me that I'm beautiful, and then we did it again, soft and sweet and slow, with him constantly whispering to me how beautiful I am.

So yes, our current situation clearly works very well... but. There's always a but. The nagging voices in my brain tell me different things. One tells me that he's using me, one tells me that this is the best that I hope for, one tells me that I need to confess and be honest and one tells me that it's all going to crumble at some point soon. Thank you, anxiety, for making me overthink literally everything.

"Keiji~" A voice interrupts my reading, as its owner leans over the back of my armchair, head dangling in front of me like an upside down bird. "Hi," I smile softly back.

"Hi," I respond, getting up from my chair. Bokuto takes my seat nearly immediately and I sit sideways across his lap.

"What book have you been reading?" He asks.

"Red White and Royal Blue," I answer, slotting in my receipt/bookmark and turning the book to show him.

"Read to me?" Bokuto asks, making big puppy eyes. I lean against him and shuffle to get more comfortable and then open my book.

"Thinking about history makes me wonder how I'll fit into it one day, I guess. And you too. I kinda wish people still - like that. History, huh? Bet we could make some," I stop reading to think about what I've just read. How will we fit into history? Could we make history with our love like Alex and Henry? Is there even love there or is it all just hormonal?

"Hey, Keiji," I snap out of my thoughts at the voice repeating my name. "You good?"

"Y-yeah, yeah I'm fine," I answer with a nod.

"You sure?" Bokuto double-checks like always. "It's not your anxiety again is it?"

I sigh and close the book again, looking at my best friend properly.

"What are we, Bo?" I ask.

"Humans?" He answers quizzically. "You're not having an existential crisis again, are you?"

"No, I mean, what are we? Our relationship," I clarify and he stares at me for a minute.

"Let's go and talk about this upstairs," Is the answer I get, along with a little 'pat-pat' on my thigh to tell me to get up. I get up and set my book down on the side table in the time it takes Bokuto to stand up and reach out an arm to me. "Come on," He says, gently, and I slip my hand into his.

We walk upstairs in silence that neither comfortable nor uncomfortable and we both perch awkwardly on our bed once the door is shut.

"Bo, I-" I start, not really knowing what I'm going to say, just needing to break the silence.

"No, let me start," He cuts in and I nod in response, thankful that someone actually knows what they want to say. "Keiji, you are my best friend and you've been my best friend since you joined the volleyball team in high school. You mean the world to me, so if our friends-with-benefits situation is making you uncomfortable, I understand and we can stop, if that's what you want," No...

"No, Bo, that's not what I meant," I tell him. "I mean, what are we? Are we friends? Are we just friends who fuck? Are we anything more than that? Could we be anything more than that?" Bokuto stares at me and I can see the wheels clicking in his head.

"You don't want to be friends with benefits because you want something more," He says, slowly, as he figures it out. "Do you want a relationship?" I look down, unable to meet his eyes. "Thank God!" He exclaims, causing me to look up again in surprise. "I was so scared that it was one-sided," He crawls over to me on the bed and takes my hands in his. "I love you, Keiji Akaashi," I feel my vision blur and pull a hand away to wipe my tears.

"I love you too, Koutarou Bokuto," I whisper back, hearing the tears in my voice as I try to hold back sobs of joy.

Bokuto moves his hands to cup my face and uses his thumbs to wipe the tears when they fall.

"Keiji, will you be my boyfriend?" He asks.

"Yes," I answer, nodding.

"Can I kiss you?"

"...Yes,"

He tilts my head up and joins our lips together, kissing me softly but with so much love and meaning.

I lose my balance and, falling backwards onto the bed, take the opportunity to wrap my arms around Bokuto's neck. He pulls away briefly for air and I can see a grin on his face.

"So beautiful," He whispers, before dipping back down. During what started as an innocent kiss but quickly became a full-blown makeout session, Bokuto's hands moved from my cheeks to my waist, causing heat to bloom from where his big warm hands are holding my waist, slipped under my shirt.

"Bo," I mumble, pulling away for a brief second. "Bo, stop," He does so immediately and looks at me confused. "I want to, uhm..." I look away with a blush but he seems to get the memo.

"Of course, princess," He says with a smirk, sliding down the bed and stripping off his clothes. What a show I'm getting. He then removes my trousers and grabs the 'equipment' from the bedside drawer. "Are you sure?" He asks.

"More so than ever," I answer. Bokuto answers by giving me a quick kiss on the lips.

"Perfect,"