Oneshots 👹

The Blue Door (🌿&🍁)

One fine day, Rod was hiding in the closet.

Actually, he'd taken an extra step—he was hiding behind a blue door in the closet. Nicky was in the actual closet, trying to coax him out.

"It's ok Rod, we already know!" the green man was saying.

"Know what?!" said Rod.

Nicky began to sing. "If you were gay..."

Rod, who had started to open the door, swiftly slammed it shut. "You know, the more you sing that, I'm just going to go back in."

And so Nicky paused for a second. Then, he spoke. "If you weren't gay..."

"IF I WASN'T GAY??" Rod screeched from behind the blue door. "That implies that you think I am gay, which I'm not!"

"If you were straight..." Nicky was singing. "That... would be great!"

Rod screamed and kept the door shut. Then he roleplayed, "*proceeds to roll onto my side and cry silently*" as he did so, facing away from the door and Nicky.

Suddenly he heard a weird sort of chitter and felt something round and... hard brush against him. He started screaming, and turned around upright, screeching to Nicky, "OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR!" Nicky opened it and Rod scrambled out.

They decided to get a flashlight to investigate, Rod still being scared. During the search for Rod's phone, they went to the basement of their new house, where they found Trekkie singing, "ME WILL NEVER SHUT UP AGAIN..."

The two went upstairs bc Rod realized his phone was there. And so... he turned the flashlight on... and they began.

"Huh," said Rod. "I can't see it."

They looked further, but still couldn't find it.

"There are holes there, it might've gone in," Nicky pointed out.

"B-but it might come back up."

"No, it probably doesn't have the power to do that," he assured his roommate.

"It probably comes up all the time," trembled Rod.

"It'll die soon."

"But what if it had babies?"

"I don't think it would've laid eggs in a musty old house."

"But it lives here."

"If it were here you would probably just make me kill it," Nicky said bitterly.

"No I wouldn't!" Rod protested.

Nicky nodded. Rod always made him kill bugs.

After the unsuccessful search, the two went downstairs as Nicky continued complaining about all the bugs Rod made him kill, and started getting more and more annoyed. "That's all I am to you."

"Yup," said Rod happily. As they went down to the basement, he told Nicky, "if there's a bug down there I'll make you kill it."

Nicky started to cry as Rod did his laugh.

When they got down there, Rod went to play the piano while Nicky continued to cry. He climbed on top of the bar that was there, announcing that he would lie there crying. "Okay," said Rod.

Nicky decided instead of crying, he would lie on the bar and sing Special. Rod told him he wasn't going to pay attention, and then pretended to play piano as Nicky started to sing.

"I can make you feel special..."

Rod glanced at the green performer as he continued the song, shifting himself around on the bar desperately trying to find a comfortable position. Soon the song was over, and Rod said, "I wasn't paying attention. I was just playing guitar— piano," he corrected his mistake as Nicky climbed off the bar.

Soon, Trekkie came back and continued his performance—"ME WILL NEVER SHUT UP AGAIN"—this time, with a backup singer, who was dancing.

Then he left and Nicky went into the secret room, looking around. He spotted a Victoria's Secret bag. "Hey Rod, do you want to find out what Victoria's secret is?"

"No, I don't want to know Victoria's secret," Rod said while rolling on the floor and balancing the piano bench.

Nicky came out of the room, saying, "It was just a bag that said 'Victoria's Secret' that had a bunch of other bags inside. I guess her secret was bags." Rod was looking for the chalk and getting increasingly upset.

"Where's the chalk?" the blue Republican whined. "I wanna draw myself."

"That's too bad," Nicky replied, not really caring. He began to play the piano and sing "If You Were Gay". And so he and Rod sang the rest of the song, Rod getting more and more annoyed until, at the end, he let out a long, ear-piercing scream.

Nicky just stared at him. "Why are you so passionate about saying you're not gay?" he questioned.

"Because I'm not! Why are you so passionate about the thought of me being gay?" his roommate interrogated.

"Why are you so defensive?" Nicky shot back. "If you asked a straight man if he's gay, he'd just be like, 'no, I'm straight'—"

Rod began talking over him. "No, I'm straight," he said, to be as convincing as possible.

"—unless he's homophobic." He gasped. "Rod, are you homophobic?"

Rod, who was still lying on the floor and lifting the bench, looked up nervously at the man kneeling near him. "...Depends.

"Are you gay?"

"No."

"Then yes."

"Rod!" Nicky was shocked. "We can't live together anymore!"

Rod started to regret his decision.

"How could you be homophobic?" his friend continued. "Our friends are almost all bi!"

"I'm not homophobic," said Rod. "I was just lying."

"Why would you lie about that?!"

"I don't know!" said Rod. "I'm sorry!"

And they never brought it up again. Until the next time, of course.