Oneshots 👹

All the Borles (🌿)

Writing a self insert AU oneshot I guess. 

I sat on the floor crying. Nothing would ever be the same after Marvin from Falsettos had gotten a time machine from 1980 and gone to different time periods to get other Christian Borle characters. 

"Pls stop," I begged Marvin. He just shook his head slowly and jumped in. 

Emmett who had just been dropped off looked at me in sadness. "I miss Elle and Bruiser and Trekkie Monster," he told me. 

"Maybe he can go back and bring them," I sobbed from the corner. 

"Idk," Emmett wept. 

Suddenly the time machine returned in the living room which for some reason I imagined looking like their place in Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. So anyway, Marvin stepped out of the time machine, trailing behind him... Shakesdaddy. 

"I found another one!" he announced. 

Emmett and I sobbed in unison. 

Shakespeare looked around the room, looking skittish. He saw Orin in a cage and questioned it. 

"He was being too violent," sniffled Emmett. 

"Oh." 

"Wait!" I exclaimed, suddenly not crying. "If you got Shakedaddy from the 1500s and you can get Emmett's wife back can you get the something rotten characters back too?" 

"Um ig," said Marvin. 

"Wait you can get my wife?! And dog and trekkie monster?" Asked Emmett. 

"Um ig," said Marvin. 

"We need to go." I hopped in and set the GPS to the Something Rotten universe. Marvin leapt in protectively and Emmett followed. 

"Why are you doing this," shakesdaddy called after our machine before it faded away. "And what did you call me earlier-" 

"Why ARE you doing this?" Emmett eyed me as we traveled. "Who do you even need to get?" 

"Probably Nigel" said Marvin. "They have a thing for other uwu INFPs." 

"Im not uwu! 🥺" I protested. 

"Fine," said Emmett, "as long as we can get elleandbruiserandtrekkieback after." 

We landed in the setting of Something Rotten and for some reason it's an actual stage. I couldn't find anyone which was sad but ok. 

"Where are the main characters" I asked Marvin. 

"Idk!" he said. "I'm not the one who lives in this universe! Ugh we should have brought shakeszaddy along." 

"Omg portia!" Emmett found Portia on the side of the road. 

"Ong hi," I ran over. 

"Stop being a simp," Emmett said to me. 

"No. Hi," I said to Portia. "Ur one of my favourite characters ever so hi. Also I love you." 

"Wdym 'characters'?" the woman asked. 

"I love ur voice," was my response. 

Meanwhile Marvin was getting acquainted with some of the other characters. But he and nick got into a fight abt something so when we found him he had a bloody nose and Nick was in the corner frowning and holding his bloody fist. 

"Wtf are you guys doing," Emmett said. 

"HE thought I was shakeszaddy," Marvin complained from the floor. 

"You are!" Nick said, shaking out his fist. 

"No im not." 

"How about we go back to the apartment," I suggested. "I'll just bring portia bc I kinda want to be friends with her." 

"Yeah 'friends'," Emmett muttered. 

"Nick punch him," I told Nick. Nick didn't budge. 

So we came back and Portia agreed to come w us and then we were gonna go to the Legally Blonde universe but Portia wasn't allowed to come in. 

"Wtf," she asked. 

"Oh I just realized," Marvin uwu'd. "The way I built this time machine only real ppl and Chrissy boo boo characters can time travel with it." 

"DOES THAT MEAN WE CAN'T GET ELLE AND BRUISER AND TREKKIE BACK," Emmett whimpered. 

Marvin slowly shook his head. 

Emmmett threw himself on the floor of the time machine and started crying. Marvin and I just stepped in and started going back as I tried to stroke Emmett comfortingly in a way that wouldn't be weird. 

"I can't believe I had to leave my wife" I sighed as we traveled back to the present. 

"I broke up with my boyfriend bc I let him win at chess and then got a nosebleed from Nick Bottom while you were simping," Marvin reminded me. "Ur problems aren't so bad." 

When we returned, Orin had escaped from his cage and was trying to perform dentistry on Shakespeare. 

"How did this happen?!" MArvin cried. 

"I let him out as a prank," Shakesdaddy whined from the table where he was strapped down. 

"There can only be one of us," said Orin. "So that's why I'm doing this." 

"Do me next," I volunteered. 

"UR NOT EVEN A BORLE," Emmett said, exasperated. 

"Stop simping," Marvin shamed me as Shakespeare screamed. 

The end.