Oneshots 👹

Smoking and Love (🌿)

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Kate Monster stared at the blank screen and sighed. She had no idea what to write about, but her followers were all waiting for her next Wattpad fanfic. 

She decided to get inspiration from outside, maybe. Since she lived on Avenue Q, something was always happening out there. 

(author's note: WAIT THIS REMINDS ME OF WHEN MY TEACHER WAS MENTIONING HOW SHE SAW AQ ON BROADWAY (SHE KNOWS I'M A FAN OF IT) AND SHE SHOWED ME A PICTURE OF THE SET)

(anyway sorry let's continue) 

So Kate walked along the evening streets, humming to herself. She quietly hummed the melody to "The Internet is for Porn". 

Trekkie monster suddenly burst through his window and hummed the "FOR PORN" part as loudly as he could. Kate turned and walked behind the building so he couldn't see her. 

There, right by the path to Avenue P (or, as Trekkie called it, Avenue Porn) and by her Monsterssori school, she saw Lucy the slut hanging out smoking a cigarette. 

"You know that's bad for you right," Kate said matter-of-factly. 

"Idc. wouldn't you want me to die? You hate me." 

"What?!" Maybe before Lucy had gotten her head knocked by a penny (which Kate had thrown) and become nice, Kate would like something like that, but now they were friends. At least the monster thought they were. "No!" 

This had come out sounding too desperate, so Kate quickly stuttered, "I mean, you're setting a bad example for all the little monsters that come here!" 

Lucy looked around wryly. "I don't see any." 

"Thats because it's evening..." Kate blushed. 

Her friend smiled. "You're really concerned for my health, aren't you?" 

Kate just was still blushing. 

"Okay. Well, guess I'll stay here until the morning... when all the little monster children come to learn." 

"It's really dangerous!" Kate finally said, not seeing the point in Lucy's taunting or why it made her bring up this one, but doing so anyway. "Look, I'll show you. Give me your cigarette." 

"What... no." Lucy hugged it to her chest. "Get your own." 

"Please Lucy, if you've ever loved me, give me your cigarette." 

The Slut handed it to her friend without another word. Kate breathed it in... and began coughing her lungs out. 

"That ain't how u smoke!" Lucy cried, standing up suddenly over the woman who was now on the ground. 

"Get princeton," Kate choked. The two of them took her to the hospital. 

"Gee gosh," said the orange puppet nervously as he and Lucy awaited the doctor's response, "idk how this even happened." 

"It was my fault," Lucy sobbed. "She asked me for the cigarette and I gave it to her." 

"Oh, Lucy, no..." Princeton wiped her tears. "Not ur fault." 

"You didn't see what happened!" 

He handed her a tissue. "Wipe your face." 

She did, and he took it back and put it in his pocket. 

A doctor who they realized was just Christmas Eve came out to tell them about Kate. 

"Aren't you a therapist?" Princetie inquired upon seeing the white-coated familiar woman. 

"Don't talk back or I charge you extra," she told him. "Your girlfriend doing fine. Would you like to see her?" 

Lucy turned red. "Oh!... She's not my girlfriend, actually, she's..." 

"I was talking to Princeton." 

"OH." 

"I would love to see her! Uh, where is she?" Princeton replied and then asked. 

"She on the third floor. We need to take an elevator," Christmas Eve answered. "Come with me." 

"Uh..." Princeton looked toward Lucy, who (thank God) was looking away. "Could we actually take our own elevator? We'll meet you up there?" 

His former neighbour stared at him for a good three seconds. "Okay, if you want..." she began, confused. "But that an extra 200, 000 bucks." 

Princeton gulped. "It's worth it." 

So he and Lucy went off to their own elevator, where they talked. 

"Are you mad at me for putting Kate in the hospital?" asked the pink puppet as they went up. 

"Of course not. I couldn't... I couldn't be mad at you for anything." He looked into her plastic eyes. 

Lucy wanted to kiss him, but she didn't. He was already in a relationship... with Kate. 

Oh, Kate. Lucy didn't know who she had stronger feelings for, but they were both there. 

Finally they reached the third floor, where Christmas Eve was standing and glaring at them. 

"What took you so long?!" she demanded. 

The two looked to one another and simply shrugged. 

She scribbled something on her clipboard. "Another 200 grand." 

Neither of them cared. They rushed in to see Kate. 

"KATE!" Princeton cried. He "ran" up to his hospitalized girlfriend and began kissing her. She looked up at him weakly. 

"I'm glad you're here," the monster laughed. She then looked past him. "...And you, too, Lucy." 

The puppet at the door smiled. "You're not mad at me, either?" 

Kate shook her head. Christmas Eve was watching disapprovingly from the door. 

"You not ready to leave yet," the doctor explained, writing down something new. "Another million dollars for each hour you stay." 

"When will I be able to leave?" Kate asked nervously. 

"In one day. At the earliest." 

The three puppets finally stared at her. 24 million? It wasn't exactly worth it anymore. 

"Brian and I really struggling at home!" she said defensively. "He got laid off again!" 

 Kate got up and ran home, and Princeton and Lucy paid the hospital fee plus the 400, 000 extra dollars, but that was it. They ran home with her. 

Gary coleman and Nicky were humming "Schadenfreude" outside, so the 3 of them snuck off to the back once again, Lucy going behind the monster school to be alone with her feelings. 

But she didn't smoke... for Kate.