wasteland, baby!

35

Jungwon finally breaks the silence when it becomes too loud for him to handle.

They're walking down the middle of a cracked road, the buildings of the next town visible from where they are.

Jay had flinched away from him when Jungwon accidentally bumped into him.

"Okay, what the fuck is up?"

Jay doesn't answer him, just keeps looking ahead as he walks. They walk in silence for a couple more minutes and Jungwon's about to ask again when Jay finally speaks up.

"They used to be people, " Jay says. He's got that look in his eye that he always gets after a kill— even though he's not the one who pulled the trigger that day in the store. A mixture of fear, hurt, and anger. It scares Jungwon a little if he's being honest. He sure as hell would never want to be on the receiving end of that look.

Jungwon's thrown off by Jay's response. He doesn't really understand what Jay exactly means with what he just said, so he just nods slowly, because what the hell else can he say.

Jay huffs out a laugh but it lacks the warmth and humor his laughs usually carry. Jay stops walking and turns to face Jungwon with a look of dissatisfaction. Jungwon fixes his glasses nervously.

"What? Do I have food on my face or something?" Jungwon tries to joke, but it falls short. He drops his gaze, feeling self-conscious and uncomfortable with the look Jay is sending him.

"You don't fucking get it, do you?" Jay's still smiling but it's biting and sharp and so unfamiliar on his face.

Jungwon turns his head to look at him and frowns back, suddenly annoyed with Jay's attitude when he'd done nothing wrong.

"What the hell, Jay hyung? Do you think I wanted to fucking shoot that poor kid's brains out?" He clenches his teeth at the memory and jabs a finger in Jay's chest. "What am I not getting, exactly? There was nothing else we could have done to help him!"

Jay scoffs and shakes his head. "Bullshit. That's some fucking bullshit right there, Jungwon. You didn't even give it a chance. We could have found something to help him if we'd just-"

Jungwon throws his hands up. "If we'd just what? Tried? Wished for it really hard? Do you think that's how things around here have been fucking working? You wish for something hard enough and it comes true? He asked me to shoot him, Jay. He didn't want to turn into one of those monsters!"

Jay opens his mouth to say something but stops himself. He turns his face up to look at the sky and shakes his head, chuckling disbelievingly, like Jungwon's being the unreasonable one here.

"What?" Jungwon asks.

Jay shakes his head again, running his tongue over his teeth. "Nothing. Let's just fucking forget about this and-"

"No, what the fuck were you going to say?" Jungwon presses on. "Say it."

Jay scoffs again and turns to look at Jungwon. "Alright, then." He throws his hands up mockingly. "Guess I just found it a little funny how you're so against wanting to shoot actual fucking zombies, but when it comes to someone we actually have a chance at saving, you jump at the chance to shoot."

Jungwon recoils like he'd been hit.

"Wh- Yo- Th-," he stammers out, not being able to find the right words— not being able to think of anything to say to that. "You think I wanted to kill him?"

Jay shrugs. He's not looking at him anymore. "You said it, not me."

Jungwon feels bright, red anger and hurt spill inside of him and he's on top of Jay before he's even aware of what he's doing. He sends them both toppling to the ground, fist connecting with Jay's cheek, once, twice, before Jay reacts and starts trying to push the younger off of him. In the process, his glasses fly off his face, Jay's hands connecting with his cheek. Jungwon knows they're probably broken, but he doesn't care right now.

"He asked me to shoot him, you fucking dick," Jungwon shouts at him and punches Jay in the mouth, causing his lip to split. "And one of us had to stop being a fucking pussy and help him out!"

Maeumi's barking like crazy somewhere off to the right, but they both ignore it as they keep going at each other, well mostly Jungwon as jay is just trying to get him off.

"Easy for you to fucking say when you haven't been doing any of the killings this whole time," Jay spits back. He tries to pin Jungwon down, but Jungwon's being taking taekwondo since a kid and is a bit stonger. He twists them around so that Jay's the one that's pinned down, getting a good kick at Jay's stomach in the process. Jay coughs out a gasp and recoils into himself, clutching at his stomach and Jungwon takes that chance to stand back up.

He picks up Jay's gun and points it at him, not completely realizing what he's doing, his body just moving on instinct and adrenaline just how he'd seen Jay do so many times before against a zombie. Just how Jay's taught him to move against enemies.

Jay's still panting on the ground, blood painting his face an ugly crimson color, and he's looking up at Jungwon with wide eyes, fear and hurt swimming through them and Jungwon almost falters. Jay's quick to school his face into a mask of indifference, though, and he glares up at Jungwon.

"What? You gonna fucking shoot me too?" Jay laughs harshly and spits blood out to the side, running the back of his hand across his mouth to get rid of the blood coming out of his nose. "Now that we've basically made it to Alberta, you don't need me anymore, is that right? Had someone else do the hard work for you, got off a couple of times, and that's it, huh?"

Jungwon feels a stab of pain in his chest at Jay's words and he wants to shake his head, tell him no, you idiot, I'd follow you anywhere you go, don't you get it?

But he has a gun pointed at him, and Jungwon doesn't know if this is something he can come back from. He wants to forget about all of this, pretend its never happened and move on, but there's still so much hurt and anger coursing through him. Jay's words had cut deep and latched themselves inside of him, making him even madder.

They stay like that for what feels like an eternity. Glaring at each other uncertainly and not speaking. The only sound filling the air is their labored breathing.

"Fucking do it, then," Jay eventually says, and he leans forward until the tip of the gun is pressed against his forehead. "Seems like you remember everything I taught you." There's blood in his teeth when he smiles again. He looks dangerous, even though the gun is trained on him.

Jungwon's heartbeat is beating so loud in his ears, and he knows Jay's feigning confidence. He can see the panic behind his eyes and Jungwon suddenly feels absolutely disgusted in himself. He turns the safety lock back on and tosses the gun to the ground, looking down at it with disgust, and a look of relief washes over Jay's face before he lets himself fall back on the ground.

Jungwon picks up his glasses, broken in half, lenses cracked and then turns to pick up his backpack. He stops when he finds Maeumi curled up in there, quivering slightly. His heart breaks even more at the sight and he tries to pet him, but Maeumi cowers away. Jungwon bites his tongue and decides to just leave the backpack.

"Fuck you," he says in a monotone voice to Jay. He's still on the ground, panting and holding on to his side. "I can make it from here. Thanks for everything, Tampa," Jungwon calls out mockingly, but his chest tightens as soon as he turns around and suddenly he can't breathe.

He hears Jay laugh and it's nothing like the soothing, warm, familiar ones that Jungwon's come to know and love. Jungwon feels a little like he's falling apart.

"Good luck with that, Canada," he shouts back sarcastically. "Don't come crawling back when you end up on the other side of the fucking country! Lost again!"

Jungwon doesn't look back. He just cradles the broken pieces of his glasses in his hands, not caring about how some of the glass is cutting into his palm.