Confessions (3)

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As Enterprise finishes her recounting of the events that transpired, I can only stare at her in utter shock. All those days I spent crying my eyes out, all the battles fought, they were only within my own imagination? Reality hits like a truck and as my mind sifts through all the memories of what seemed like a short lifetime, I'm overcome with emotion. If none of it was real then was it a nightmare and if so then why did it feel like I was living an entirely separate life? 

Enterprise: Are you-

Me: I'm fine.

She knows I'm lying. I can see it in her eyes as they search my own but she refrains from questioning further and I'm grateful. I need some time to process this myself before I'm ready to open up.

For some time, we sit in complete silence. I'm so lost in thought that I barely notice she's staring at me the whole time until Vestal comes in. I have no idea how much time has passed but her arrival immediately lightens the room. 

Vestal: How are you feeling?

Me: Better...thank you.

She smiles before pulling Enterprise aside to speak privately. I have no idea what they are speaking of but given the circumstances, I assume it has to do with me. Not wanting anything to do with any more testing of any kind, I stand while their backs are turned towards me and make my way out the door. Surprisingly, my body is still weak but this time my legs at least manage to support my own weight enough to keep moving along, albeit at a slow pace. 

I've made it to the end of the hallway before I hear scrambling behind me indicating that they've finally noticed I'm missing.

Enterprise: Zhejiang!

She calls the minute I pass through the door and step outside. I'm not sure if she spotted me leaving or not but I don't wait to find out, making my way towards the beach. As I traverse the base, I take care to avoid the other girls as much as possible. I know that if they spot me, weak as I am, they'll immediately get help or offer it themselves and I really just need to be alone right now.

Eventually, I make it to the beach but find it crowded. Electing to remain in the shadows, I watch as various girls play together. I even spot Yorktown and my little sister amongst them. They all seem so happy. It's a stark contrast to the wartorn world I'd found myself in whilst I was unconscious. In that world, the greatest joy came from battle and victory. There were far more heartbreaks there as well with people dying every day from the constant state of war. 

I spend a few minutes watching them play before deciding to head to the pier instead. There, I find it nearly abandoned. Apart from helpers and a few girls here and there, it really seems like everyone has gone to the beach. This suits me nicely. With just the ships to keep me company, it'll give me the perfect place to gather my thoughts. 

I keep repeating this to myself as I make my way towards my own ship. I say it over and over as I climb up to the deck and even as I make my way across it. Still, no matter how much I repeat it to myself, I know it is futile to continue resisting. Regardless of whether I understand the reasons for what I experienced or even my current conflicted mind, my heart stills cries out in agony. It still begs for that deep desire to be fulfilled and as I continue battling against it, the universe seemingly decides to intervene. 

Enterprise: There you are.

Turning, I find Enterprise walking towards me. 

Seeing her swings the internal battle and the minute she reaches me, the words are out of my mouth before I'm even aware I'm saying them

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Seeing her swings the internal battle and the minute she reaches me, the words are out of my mouth before I'm even aware I'm saying them.

Me: I love you.

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