Evan "Buck" Buckley-Nash

7. Anger

After a month of school, and Bobby trying his best to make his home as comfortable for the boy as possible, Buck started acting out again.

Bobby had been called to the school during a shift at work 5 times in the past 3 weeks. This time for Evan convincing some of the boys in his grade to all climb on top of the playground and jump off the roof together. Luckily nobody was hurt as the fire department was called and another team responded before any of the kids jumped.

"Evan what were you thinking?" Bobby asked as he took the boy to the car who was now going home early again. "You could've gotten seriously hurt. Those kids could have gotten hurt."

The boy didn't reply as he climbed into the back seat and hugged his back pack. Bobby sighed trying to keep calm himself and not express his anger and fear.

Evan stared out the window silently as Bobby drove. The boy watched Bobby not turn down the street they normally do. "Where are we going?" He asked shyly.

"I need to be at work today Evan. I have a new recruit and since you keep causing emergencies you're going to see what it's like for us to stop them."

Bobby pulled into the fire station taking the boy out of the car. Evan was afraid, he instinctively grabbed Bobby's hands even though they were having a rough patch.

Buck walked with his adoptive father up the stairs and saw a team of first responders all talking and eating Bobby grabbed an extra chair and told Evan to sit.

"Team this is Buck, he's going to be with us for the rest of the day since he made some poor choices at school today."

"Hey Buck, Caps told us a lot about you." One guy said to him.

Bobby introduced the team to his son and right after the new recruit walked up the steps.

"Hi, um I'm the new recruit Howard Han." He glanced that the child at the table. "I'm supposed to meet with Captain Nash."

"Nice to meet you Howard I'm Captain Nash. Take a seat and a plate. Today's Buck's first day here too." He patted his son on the shoulder.

Buck didn't say a word as the team met the new fire fighter. Eventually the alarm rang and the team all stood up running for their gear.

"Han, I know you're eager for action on your first day, but could you please watch the kid till I get back."

"Sure thing Cap." He said trying to not act disappointed. He still didn't know why the child was there or who he was.

Bobby then approached the child and gave him a quick hug and whispered something into the boys ear. "Behave yourself please." Was his parting note before he jogged to the fire truck.

"So kid, what're you doing here?" The man asked with a shrug starting to pick up plates from the table. The boy just cowered in on himself. "How do you know the Cap?" More silence. "Well we gotta talk about something." The child still looked to be ignoring him. "So your name is Buck, that a nickname for something?" The child nodded. "For what?"

"Buckley." His voice held uncertainty. "My first name is Evan."

"Well then Evan Buckley what're you doing at the fire station?"

"Evan Buckley-Nash now. Bobby took me home from school because I tried to jump off the playground roof. He's angry, I don't like when he's angry."

"He didn't seem angry to me." He paused. "Why'd you try to jump off the playground? That seems dangerous." The boy went silent again. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want, but you seem to be upset more than Bobby about it."

"Why does he care so much? Nobody should, I want to see Maddie again." The boy was beginning to express his suppressed emotions.

Howard felt sorrow for the boy being so young, yet having such strong feelings of anger. "Sounds like you're going through a lot. You don't like how Bobby cares about you?"

"Bobby needs to leave me alone. I'm causing more problems, I just want to see Maddie." The boy put his head down and looked to start crying panicking the new guy. He started doing the dishes and loading them into the dishwasher until the team came back Bobby coming up the steps quickly to see his son.

"Buck what's wrong?"

"Leave me alone." He said muffled with his head down and sniffles.

Bobby kneeled down by his side as the team joined in the kitchen. "You don't have to be alone anymore. You have me now, and Sargent Grant."

"No!" The boy yelled. His face scrunched in anger as he sat up facing his adopted father. His eyes and cheeks red, and face stained with tears. "You're not my Dad! I want Maddie to come home!" He broke down into heavy sobs and collapsed Bobby catching him on his way to the floor and pulled him tightly into his chest. He ignored the child practically screaming at him to let go. He stood up holding onto him tightly and took him into the bunks.

He closed the door and sat him down. "Take some deep breaths." He held the boys hands and allowed him to calm down. "Now tell me what's frustrating you."

"I can't." He chocked on a sob.

Bobby sighed but nodded his head. "Sometimes it's hard to express our feelings. Do you want me to tell you about mine first?" Evan nodded.

"I feel afraid and helpless right now, or for the past few weeks honestly." He looked his son in the eyes. "You're starting to scare me Evan, and I don't mean you're scary, but you climbed up the playground equipment. You could have died. I feel like I am not doing my job as being a good Father, and that I cannot help you. I don't know what else to say to show that I love you and that I care about you."

Bobby watched the child absorb what he said. The two sat in silence for a few minutes before Buck started sharing.

"I just feel angry all the time." He said his voice overflowing with guilt. "I don't know why." He was still near hysterical. "I can't feel anything else, it hurts." He tightened his hands into fists so tight his arms began to shake. "I don't get why you care about me so much. I only cause you problems and get in your way."

Bobby would be lying if he said he didn't tear up hearing a 9 year old say such self deprecating things. "I can't imagine how you were living without me, but my job is to try to guide and help you. When you don't understand we can talk about it. When you're having a hard time with feelings we can talk about it."

The boy looked into Bobby's eyes. "What if you don't want me anymore? I don't want you to ignore me."

The boy confessed his worst fear again making Bobby's heart clench. "I'm never going to treat you like that. I can promise you Evan, I am never ever going to shut you out. I'm sorry you're feeling so afraid and I understand you're still transitioning and learning, but can you please stop being so reckless."

"But it makes me not feel angry."

"Doing reckless things?" The boy nodded. Bobby proceeded to explain to the child that just because something felt fun doesn't make it okay.