Evan "Buck" Buckley-Nash

22. Big Steps

College. Buck rolled his eyes at the thought. He was called down to the counselor's office to talk about his track to graduation and beyond. He had no idea what he wanted to do with his life. He wasn't ready to leave.

He left the office that day with a packet of graduation information for his parents and another packet of everything he needed to know when filling out college applications.

He basically threw it all on the kitchen counter when he got home from school and went back into his room. How is he supposed to leave his family? What if something happened to him or worse them?

Both his parents had tried many times to talk about college, but he never let them. He had no idea what he wanted to do and he had no want to even go, but he had too. That was the expectation he had.

He decided already he wouldn't be going far away. He didn't even want to stay on a campus, but at the same time he did want to grow up. He just didn't want to be alone, he hates being alone.

Athena and Bobby both sat him down that night with the packets. Both adults were thankful Buck had at least put the packets on the table rather than hiding them.

"So it's time to apply." Athena said to which Buck nodded. "What were you thinking?" Buck shrugged he wasn't sure why he was staying silent. "It's got to be something."

"I don't want to go." He said honestly. "I can't be somewhere else and have you all here."

Bobby spoke up this time. "We're still your parents, we're still going to be here for you. You can come home any weekend we can visit you on days off. College doesn't equal abandonment."

"Feels like it." Buck mumbled before speaking up. "Can I just go to the community college up the road? I don't want to bite off more than I can chew and go to some university and have a mental breakdown and fail my life."

The adults sighed, clearly Bucks lack of involvement verbally about college over the past year hasn't stopped his own involvement mentally.

"I don't think I'm stable enough to be alone all the time, and having a roommate is not the same thing as a support system. Just let me go there please."

"It is your choice." Athena said with a nod. "I want you to go where you want. I want you to feel safe, we," she gestured to Bobby, "want you feeling secure in your environment. If you want community college then that's the route we will take, however Buck I do think that in the next year that could change. You won't be in college till this time next year, you need to consider you could change your mind by then."

"So I'll apply to some university's too." He said coming to a compromise with her.

"Exactly thank you. I have the night off tomorrow we can start the process together."

Buck nodded extremely anxious. He picked at his scars on his hand. It wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. They want what he does.

"Thank you." Buck said and gave a tiny smile. "Thanks for listening to me."

Bobby put his hands on Buck's shoulders. "We will always listen." Buck sniffled and nodded before his father wrapped him up in a hug. "Why are you crying?"

Buck clung to his Dad. "I was just all worked up about this conversation. It went well, I'm just anxious."

Bobby held his son until he was ready to pull away.

~~

Buck finally got his drivers license a week before he turned 18. He was thrilled. It had only taken so long because he was too afraid to drive a car, but he knew it was time. He passed with flying colors, as he should with his Dad driving a fire truck and his Mom a police car all day he figured he should be fine.

May thought he was the coolest kid in the world now because her older brother had his license. He drove her to get ice cream and bought her a new stuffed animal. Both Athena and Bobby shook their heads when he came back. Their little girl was going to he spoiled now that her older brother was finally becoming an adult.

The celebration for Bucks birthday was bigger than what he asked for, but then again he didn't ask for anything.

"Did Dad really have to invite his entire firehouse?" Buck complained to his mother looking around the crowded home.

"He's excited his oldest baby is now a legal adult." She said hugging him tightly. "We're proud of you baby."

Buck blushed and squirmed away to find Hen. He had to talk to her about something important he had been pondering for a few months. He needed another opinion from somebody who was outside of his immediate family but close enough to know how they'd react.

After a very out of tune and loud singing of happy birthday and opening gifts Buck decided he actually enjoyed the day and had a lot of fun.

He found it cliche that he felt the same, becoming an adult today when yesterday he was still a child as if today a switch was flipped in his head to make better choices.

Soon enough Buck was going to prom with some girl. He didn't know if he really liked her, but she was all over him at the dance and in the photos his Dad took.

He turned down the alcohol his football friends snuck in which he was proud of himself for. It only sucked because when they all headed to after prom he was burned out and wanted to go home. Every one of his friends was somewhat intoxicated. He called his Mom and asked her to get him.

She was proud of him for calling and not giving into peer pressure, and Buck was honest with her about wanting to drink with them but didn't want to hurt his father again. Athena even told a story about her drinking with her high school friends and how mad her mother was when she inevitably found out.

They got home, Bobby was on a night shift and after a shower her and Buck sat on the couch.

"Alcohol doesn't have to be bad." Athena told him. "Yes your father has some issues with it, but that doesn't mean you don't have to drink it. I'm not telling you it's okay underage, but I am saying that you're still allowed to live a life and have a drink in college without having to tell us."

Buck almost laughed. "Thanks Mom. Every college student drinks underage at least once."

Athena shook her head. "Don't be 100% certain, but most do try. Where is that girl of yours?"

Buck rolled his eyes. "She's not my girl. I don't even like her. She left with everybody else said I was a buzz kill."

"Her loss." Athena said seriously placing her arm on her sons ankle. "She'll see one day when she's with a terrible man that she left a good one."

Buck gave a tiny smile.