Evan "Buck" Buckley-Nash

19. Spirling

Things were different since the flashback, Bobby recognized it was his fault, he caused it. Buck refused to talk about what happened to everybody, he was more embarrassed than anything. Bobby was now trying to engage with Buck, but he was uninterested and it made the house have a tense awkward dynamic.

Athena was growing annoyed, but increasingly worried as well as Buck was shutting everyone out. She was the only one he was talking too, but that was even decreasing. He now sat in his room by himself most days.

He was grounded because of the party incident, so he wasn't allowed to go to places with his friends until the following weekend, but Athena was about to beg him to go get some fresh air and go have some fun. It was early in the morning when she was making her morning coffee, she wasn't a big morning person, but her work has her trained to be up at the crack of dawn.

She heard a yelp come from his room. Her peaceful morning turned to helping her child through his nightmare and recognizing it was just that, a nightmare. Buck shut her out again afterwards, she was trying to figure out where it all went wrong.

He was okay before that party, he was fine the day after. It wasn't until that day when he wouldn't eat his breakfast. Forcing him to the table had become another regular for the past few weeks.

"Evan." His eyes immediately met hers as his name is rarely ever used. "Please listen," Athena's voice was quiet. "Why is this happening? I don't mean the nightmares, I mean you shutting me out more everyday. I mean ignoring your father as he's trying to talk to you and having you little sister worry about you."

Buck's face held such a distant stare, Athena swore she'd never seen him look so detached, he was becoming unrecognizable. The words were jumbled in Buck's mouth, he had so much to say, but he was burdened with silence and fear. "It's just hard."

"I'm going to need some more elaboration." She said encouragingly.

His face squinted up and he picked at the scars on his hands. "Dad, Bobby, ignored me, for a week." His voice was already feeling weak and exposed. "Something happened, and now I can't stop and move away from my head." He tilted his head confused with his own words.

Athena had chills, "He was just having a bad week."

Buck let out a laugh and tears left his eyes unwillingly. "He was having a bad week." He shook his head. "Ever since then I've been thinking about shit I haven't thought about in years, things I forgot happened to me, people who I've lost."

"And he's been feeling very guilty and carrying around the burden of hurting you."

"I've been having the burden of hurting him. Bobby's why I'm here today. He's the reason I'm not dead, he's the reason I can function like a real human being because trust me after what was going on at home it was a miracle I wasn't some feral child."

Athena's stomach dropped and she almost had to excuse herself. She hates when she has to imagine her son put in just a compromising situation. "And Bobby loves you more than anything. As much as he saved you, you saved him Evan. You're why he stayed sober, you're why he found love, you're why he pushes himself to be a better man. You're important in his life too."

"I don't really know what to call them," Buck paused for moment, "I guess probably mini flashbacks. I remember and know I'm here, but there's memories playing and I can't stop them anymore. It's like I'm 9 again. I was alone, and ignored, and lost, and had nobody and Bobby made me feel like that and he's never done that before. Now I can't even see him. It's not the same."

"You need to talk and reach out when this happens. Set backs occur it's normal, ptsd doesn't just disappear."

"It's been years. I'm not 11 screaming in my sleep anymore."