Evan "Buck" Buckley-Nash

12. Dreams? No Nightmares.

Evan was excited about having a new baby in the house and not being the only kid around. He didn't understand the entire reason why Michael was around or why he was told Michael was also the child's dad, along with Bobby but he didn't ask. He still didn't like being annoying or the problem.

When the baby was born, he had to go stay with Chimney who he's only met a few times. The man made him popcorn and let him stay up late which he thought was fun.

"You have a sister kid." Buck jumped up with a beaming smile on her face.

"What name did they choose?"

"May."

"Baby May!" He cheered with excitement practically shaking with happiness as Chimney chuckled.

He met the baby girl he swore to protect at all costs the following day. "She's so little." He said through a giggle sitting next to his Mom in the hospital bed.

"She is, and if you ever hold her you need to remember to do something very important." Evan nodded looking up at his mother intently listening to her instructions. "You have to hold her head because her muscles aren't strong enugh to do it yet."
"Like this Mom?" He showed how the child was currently being held in his arms.

"Yep, great job."

Once the child was taken home, Buck got even less sleep. He was now having nightmares about his sister being trapped in a fire.

He woke up crying every night. He hated it, he just wanted to keep her safe.

Bobby was up in the middle of the night with the baby. He just got her to fall back asleep after being fed when he heard his son begin uncontrollably sobbing in the next room. He quickly finished up in the baby's room and went to tend to his son.

He found Buck laying on his bed curled into a ball rocking himself back and forth.

"Buck what happened?"

The boy looked at him and began blubbering straight incomprehensible gibberish due to the amount of shock he was in. Bobby sat with him and held his hand tight until the boy calmed and was now a sniffling mess.

"Dad please don't leave me alone." He begged sitting himself up and putting all his weight onto his Dad in a hug.

"Evan I'm right here. I don't know what you saw in your dreams but I'm right here."

"Don't leave baby May behind." He shook his head along Bobby's chest.

"I'm not leaving you or May behind. Keep taking those deep breaths for me." Bobby said to him hoping he stays away from the panic aspect of his nightmares.

Evan ended up falling back asleep on his fathers shoulder due to his absolute exhaustion. Bobby continued to hug his son and laid down with him also falling asleep.

~~

Buck's therapist was concerned with the boys mental health due to the extent of how bad his nightmares were getting. It was normal for the oldest child to go through an adjustment period when a younger sibling is brought into the home, but his reaction has been extreme.

The boy was playing with his hands as he sat down in the office. "Your Dad told me about your nightmares. Could we talk about what's going on?"

Bucks eyes teared as the dreams flashed in front of his eyes. May crying in the fire and Buck trying to open the door but being unable to. He started scratching his burn scars. "No."

"Can I ask why not?"

Buck wiped his eyes and went back to scratching. "I need to be a good older brother, like how Maddie was a good older sister."

She nodded. "Do you think you're a good older brother?" The kid shrugged. "I think you are. You care about May right?" He nodded. "You love May right?" He nodded again wiping his eyes. "Then right now you're the best older brother you can be."

"I just don't want her to feel sad and alone." The therapist nodded jotting down his words. "I want her to feel safe and not be hurt."

"Because you've felt unsafe and been hurt." She stated back and the boys tears got heavier. "You've felt sad and alone, so you don't want your little sister too."

"I just want to be there for her, so she always has somebody to talk too."

"Right because you didn't after Maddie left." They both paused as Buck took a tissue she handed to him. After he calmed she began to speak again. "I do think you're an amazing brother Buck. I think when May gets older she'll be very thankful for you. You care so much about how other people feel, we just need to make sure you think about how you feel too."

"Thanks." He replied shyly. He appreciated the compliment, and it meant a lot to him to be recognized for how hard he tries to help others.

"Now how's school been going?"

~~~

Bobby went back to work after two months of staying home with Athena and May. He was supposed to be meeting his new paramedic today so he tried to leave early, but as he was about to leave the house he heard Buck start yelling.

He dropped his bag to tend to his son who was mid nightmare and crying in his sleep. "Buck kid open your eyes. It's Dad I'm right here."

The boy eventually woke up and was shaking like a leaf. Bobby watched the kid struggle to take normal breaths.

"I'm sorry." He muttered when he finally noticed his father in front of him.

"What did you see?"

Bucks eyes welled with tears, if somebody asked the kid he'd tell them he was done with the constant crying. He couldn't remember a day he didn't cry over something. He's basically as bad as his sister who can't communicate in any other way.

"I can't tell you."

"Sure you can." Bobby said gently.

Buck shook his head. "You don't understand. You'll be upset."

Bobby sighed. "Kid it's a nightmare, you can't control them. How could I be upset?"

"I made a mistake." He croaked. "Dad you're not the same in my dreams. You were mad at me and told me I was bad." Bobby's heart clenched as he watched his son struggle to speak to him. "You put me in my room and hit me like my Dad used too."

"He hit you?" Bobby asked confused and worried as they never had spoken of anything physical happening between him and his parents.

"On bad days if I was really bad." The boy ran his hands through his hair. "You were really mad it scared me. The house was on fire and I was trapped in my room. You locked me in and you and Mommy left me. Then I heard baby May crying on the other side of my door because you left her too. I couldn't get out. She burned."

Bobby's eyes grew watery. "I wish I could take away your nightmares Buck. I'm sorry you saw that in your dream, but that's all it was a dream. I will never hurt you, and I will never leave you or May behind, and I will never lock you in your bedroom."

"I know." The child whispered and attempted to stifle his sobs when his mother entered the room with May in her arms and Michael stayed at the doorway.

Athena sat on the edge of Bucks bed. "Head to work Bobby I know you've got a big day. Evan will be alright," Bobby said his goodbyes and headed out the door. "Do you want to hold her?" Athena questioned to which the boy nodded and hugged the small child to his chest.

"I love you baby May." He said gently as his chest still shook as he slowly regulated his breathing.