Maybe I'm Lying [COMPLETED]

KABANATA 01- Farewell

They say beauty is fading...

And it's what's in your heart that counts the most.

Bullshit! That's only a make-believe reason for people who were born without it. Kasi ano ba ang unang nakikita ng tao sa'yo? Ang puso mo ba? No right? Your appearance... your face... how you look!

I believe that beauty is everything. A ticket that will allow you to obtain whatever you desire in life.

Blessed are those who were born with it, and fortunate are those who can afford it. In my case, though, I am both.

"That emerald green suits you better," I observed from the full-length mirror as my mother entered the room.

I surveyed myself with a frown on my face. Before facing her. "It's a shame. Hindi fit eh," I uttered, clutching the slack about my waist.

If my guess is correct. I haven't fitted this gown in almost a week, and I thought I would maintained my weight. Anyway, I've got more than a dozen of dresses ready, so it's not really a big deal.

My mother rolled her eyes and patted her blonde curly hair, which was just below her chin, upwards. "My dear, it's not a problem at all. What's the point of a corset?"

Hinugot niya ang isang black leather corset na buhat ng isang maidservant at lumapit sa akin. Nakayukong napailing nalang ako sa inasta ni Mom at ibinaling muli ang tingin sa salamin.

Napigil ang paghinga ko nang ipatong ni Mom ang corset sa soot kong gown. A tear almost escaped from my eyes as I extended both my hands to reach the mirror for support. Natapos niyang buhulin ang dalawang lubid sa likod ng corset.

Corsets are designed to fit your body, so if it hurts you or makes you uncomfortable merely by wearing it, it's not the right fit. It wasn't supposed to be like this. My mother, on the other hand, selects a smaller one for me. I'm already in shape, with a 20-inch waist, but it'll never be enough for my mother.

"I-i cant... breathe...," I whispered as though I'm being choked.

"You'll be fine. Remember what I told you," pagsasawalang bahala ni Mom at mariin akong tinitigan sa salamin.

"Pain is beauty, endure it...," I recited. Unti-unti nang nasasanay ang paghinga ko suot ang mahigpit na corset. Hindi ko nga alam kung kakayanin ko pang yumuko dahil dito.

"Louder," my Mom commanded.

"Pain is beauty, endure it!"

"Great! See? The gow look fantabulous!" she then exclaimed with her infamous british accent ringing in my ears. I caressed the fabric of my gown.

I knew that line like the back of my hand. It wouldn't even be a surprise if after I was born and the doctor slapped me, those were the words that came out my mouth.

My mother never fails to tell me that, if I want people to like me... I should strive to be beautiful at all times. Those words were my morning and before-I-go-to-sleep prayers.

Mom went outside after. So, I immediately grab the opportunity to have a snack from the catering just inside my room. I haven't eaten anything for the whole day and my mom wouldn't let me have a bite of these canapés, for her, these foods are just decorations.

I was about to bite at one when the waiter stopped me. “My Lady... ibinilin po ni Madame na huwag kayong pakakainin.”

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay at ibinalik ang canapé sa tray. Pinagpag ko ang kamay ko at umakmang tatalikod pero agad rin akong pumihit paharap sa kanya.

Tinitigan ko siya at bumuntong hininga. Pagkatapos ay pinalungkot ko ang mukha ko at isinilid ang buhok ko sa likod ng tainga ko.

“P-pasensya na p-po... hindi po talaga p-pwede. Mawawalan po kami ng trabaho—” Muli akong napabuntong hininga at sa pagkakataong ito ay nag-pout na rin ako na naging sanhi nang pagtigil niya.