Conviction

13

Dean's point of view YAY!

Chapter 13:

"Eva baby please call me back." i plead for the hundredth time. After i called her a few times it started going straight to voice mail. I didnt know what to do so i called her house. She didnt answer but her mom did telling me that she was sleeping and she didnt want to wake her up because she looked drained.

When i hung up i punched a hole in my wall because she is drained from me. I should have just told her what i had to do and this would have never happened. She would still be here cuddled up beside me watching television but i had to ruin it by not telling her the truth.

"Bro she's not gonna answer." Skyler says and i look over to see him leaned up against the door frame of my room.

"A man can wish." i sigh

Skyler walks in sitting on my bed. "He can but not always is that wish granted."

Sitting beside him i put my face in my hands. "I shouldah just told her."

"Yah." Skyler agrees. "You should have but your stupid sometimes. She's a great girl Dean. All she would have done was tried to talk you out of it."

"Thats what i cant have. We need this deal. I need this deal so i can pay for college."

"It's good you want to go to college but pay for it a different way." I look at Skyler dumbfounded. Usually hes the one hyping everyone up for a deal but hes sitting here telling me to find another way. "I know man." he chuckles. "Shes made me soft but i feel like shes another little sister. You love her man and she loves you just tell her the truth."

I do love her. I love her so much and i dont want to loose her. She is the best thing that has ever happened in my life besides for kicking my dad out. She is beautiful perfect everything i have ever wanted an di want her for the rest of our lives. "I've been trying but she wont answer."

Skyler pulls out his phone and presses a few numbers before putting it to his ear. "Shortcake." he greets and i scowl at him making him chuckle. "How are you?" he asks and then he winces listening for a few seconds. "Well he wants to explain it to you." she says some more and he looks at me with a your in serious trouble look before handing me the phone.

"Eva baby."

"What?" she demands and my eyes widen and i look at Skyler. I have never seen my angle angry and im not happy that i am the one that made her so angry.

"I'm sorry." she goes to say something else and i start talking cutting her off. "I want to protect you. If i tell you it could hurt your or you could talk me out of it and i need the money."

She sighs loudly and says "Dean of course im gonna talk you out of it if its not safe. You cant protect me if i dont know what your trying to protect me from."

Rubbing my eyes i say "I have to do a deal."

"What kind?"

"A weapons deal. We steal weapons and sell them to this man. He's a verry high up drug lord but he gives us loads for what we supply him with." Thats not the whole deal but she doesnt need to know that yet.

"So you steal from people and then sell their stuff to a drug lord for loads of money." she says mocking me and i scratch my head uncomfortably.

"Pretty much."

"And its dangerous. Their men that could care less about your life and that probably kill people everyday." she says and i groan. "Hey im just trying to figure out why you dont think your life is that important."

"When i started this i didnt think my life was important i was doing this for my family."

"Who are you doing it for now?" She asks and im stuck because i dont need to do this anymore, Colton is doing well and my mother is remarried with a man that treats her like a queen.

"College."

"That's crap Dean." she shouts and then i hear her whisper 'God forgive me.'. "You dont have to put your life on the line for college. Get a job a real job a legal job Dean and what you cant pay my family would be happy to pay."

I shake my head even before she finishes "No, Eva i will not ask your family to pay for my schooling."

"Your Ego's just gonna have to be bruised Dean. How do you think my daddy did it? He was in a gang and was selling and stuff just like you. Whe he got out he had no life no job nothing. He stayed with my mom untill he could get a job. When he got his job he moved into an apartment and my grandpa and grandma helped pay for him to go through college. They didnt want him to pay them back and they didnt expect it but he payed them out fo every check they had and if they didnt take it he put it under their pillow or somewhere for them to find it when they needed it. My dad had it hard to Dean and he had to suck it up and do what he had to and bruising his ego was one of them. Just suck it up because im not gonna sit here and watch as you do things that could get you killed."

"I'll try Eva for you." Getting out of his deals may not be that easy but ill try for my girl.

Eva sighs loudly and scoffs. "No Dean i dont want you to try for me i want you to succeed for God. God comes first and then me so out of all you are doing think about God and what he would do. Think about God and if he would want you doing it. After you think about God them you think about me. God is the one going to get you through it if something goes wrong all i can do is call 911 and pray that they get to you in time. God is the one you should do it for. Not try Dean yes he would accept trying but doing is what he wants. Doing the right thing is what gets you in Heaven."

She always say that i should put God first but how can i when i dont know who he is. I know that his son dies for our sins but that was only because Eva told me Wednesday. If i wouldnt have went to church and listened to Eva i wouldnt have known that i went through all this hell for a reason. I still dont understand what that reason was and i dont fully understand who God is.

He made us we are his creation but i dont know how to praise him how to worship him i only know what i was taught and Eva says those are the ways of the Devil. "I dont understand Eva i've not gone to church all of my life. I knew their was a God from hearing people talk but i never knew what he was all about untill you came along. So how am i suppose to know whats his way and whats not?"

"Conviction." she states and i just sit there i know what conviction is but i dont know if its the same to God. "When you feel something isn't right thats God telling you not to do it. When you feel convicted dont do it. When i think about kissing you i feel convicted nd i know its not right so i have to ask for forgiveness and i dont do it. We may want to do things but God knows what we should and shouldnt do and when you feel convicted dont do it."

"I'm gonna pray that god make the feeling stronger. You have been doing what you do for a while now and i know you know its wrong but you probably ignore the feeling but i praying you dont ignore it and you listen to what God has to say. Before you do anything Dean i want you to think WWJD. What would Jesus do? If you dont think he would do it dont do it."

"If i have to do it?" i ask because their are some things i have to do. Getting out isn't going to be easy and i know im probably going to have to do something big.

"God wont put you through anything you cant handle."