Until Death

Part 9: The Breakdown

TRIGGER WARNING RAPE/ SELF HARM ATTEMPT

I woke up and I felt groggy. I could barely lift my head up and I realized I was on a bed. I felt like I was trapped in my body and I couldn't say a word or move a muscle. I looked up and I saw a video camera. I noticed that the sweats I was wearing were gone and I was literally just in Atlas's shirt.

A man walked up and he looked like he was a few years older than me. He had brown hair and dull blue eyes. He was shirtless and had a Celtic knot tattoo on his chest. He slid his hands up my thigh and I tried to scream at him to stop. Instead, I felt my consciousness drifting away.

I woke up and I was in the stall of a public bathroom. I had no shoes, underwear, or pants on and was only wearing a t-shirt. My entire body was sore and the last thing I remembered was something being injected into my neck. I stood up and my entire body fought me and I felt exhausted. I noticed there was a cd on my lap and I picked it up and left the stall.

I stumbled out of the bathroom and I realized I was in Atlas's club Moon Time. It must have been morning because no one was there and it was light outside. I walked over to the bar and I saw Carly who gasped when she saw me.

"We have been looking for you for four days," She said and I went to talk and my throat was sore.

"Can you bring me home?" I asked, trying to hold back tears, and she noticed my appearance and she went to grab me and for some reason, I flinched when she touched me. She cautiously wrapped an arm around me as she helped me walk. She got me into her car and as I started to come out of being drugged I was in even more pain. She didn't talk as we drove and when we pulled up to the house Carly helped me out of the car and into the house.

"I found her," She said and Jonah was the first to see us as we walked through the door. He looked at me shocked and he helped Carly hold me up.

"She was in the bathroom at the club," She said and I saw Atlas. He looked like he had barely slept and seemed disheveled and when he took in my appearance he looked shocked but relieved.

" I was drugged, I woke up with this," I said with a hoarse voice, holding the CD.

"Let's get you checked out," Atlas said, and he went to grab me but I flinched away from him.

"Can I take a shower? I feel like I am covered in a layer of dirt," I asked him and Jonah and they agreed. Atlas handed the CD to Thomas who left with it.

"We can do an exam after," Jonah said gently and Atlas helped me walk up the stairs, which was exhausting with my sore muscles and took a long time. Atlas offered to carry me but I just denied it. As we finally reached the room Thomas walked in with a pale face.

"Sir you should see this," He said to Atlas.

"Are you okay on your own?" Atlas asked me and I nodded my head. I grabbed a new t-shirt and sweatpants from Atlas's closet. I walked into the bathroom and I took off my shirt and turned on the shower. I looked in the mirror and gasped.

My throat had a bruise the shape of a handprint on it, and I had hickies all over my chest and stomach, some even looked like bite marks with open wounds. I looked down and realized my inner thighs were covered with dried white stuff and blood.

I cried out and covered my mouth with my hands shaking and I tried to recollect what happened to me. I had a full mental blank in my mind and it made everything ten times worse. I got into the shower and scrubbed the blood and white stuff off of me, and I tried to rub away the hickies.

I stayed in the shower for a few minutes when I got out I heard a loud sound from downstairs causing me to jump. I threw on Atlas's robe and I went down the stairs. I walked to his office and I saw Jonah, and Thomas looking away from the computer as if it was something too horrifying to watch and Atlas was fuming as he held onto a chair across the room. The other one had been tossed.

They all turned to look at me and they had sympathy and guilt in their eyes. My heart dropped and I realized they were seeing what had happened to me. I looked at all three of them and finally I silently walked over to the computer. It was a man who I could only assume was Lorenzo, fucking my lifeless body. He leaned down to suck my breast and he looked right in the camera.

"I can see why you chose her Atlas, she is a good fuck," He said smirking into the camera, and he came showing him cumming inside of me. I slammed the computer shut with shaky hands and I stepped away from it, I felt tears rush down my face as I tried to hold back vomit.

All three of them couldn't even look at me. I was disgusting and used, it was no wonder they couldn't hold my gaze anymore. I pulled my robe closer and I tried to think of what to say, what to do. Do I apologize? Or do I just lie and say I am okay when I am not.

I left the room.

I walked up the stairs feeling dizzy like my soul was leaving my body. I went back into the bathroom and threw up thinking about Lorenzo raping me and making it a recorded show in his gang war with Atlas.

I thought about whether he had other copies and was spreading them around, or maybe he and his gang members were laughing about how useless I was and how pathetic I was. Or maybe they all had gotten a turn with me. I threw up again.

I stepped into the shower again and put the shower to as hot as it could get and I scrubbed my skin raw. I would never be happy, and I just wish the pain would stop. Atlas will probably kick me out.

It is an embarrassment to have your wife filmed while being fucked by your worst enemy. He is probably disgusted that I didn't fight harder when I was being kidnapped, or try to fight through the drugs so I could fight back or at least remember what happened.

I let out a sob as I sat on the shower floor just wanting the pain to go away. I wanted to die.

I could make that happen.

I got out of the shower and I threw the robe on, not even bothering drying off, it wouldn't matter in a few moments anyway.

I went into Atlas's room and I started digging through his stuff looking for a gun. I knew there had to be a gun somewhere. He had to have an emergency one hidden. I looked through all of his drawers and even under his underwear and I couldn't find one anywhere.

I slammed his dresser drawer shut in frustration with shaky hands and I turned around and I saw his coat hanging. I looked in his black suit jacket and I found a small gun. I fiddled around with it for a second and as I took off the safety and held it to my head the closet door opened.

"Are you okay?" Atlas asked me, his eyes widening as he saw the gun. He quickly grabbed the gun and I fell to the ground holding my head in my hands as I held back tears.

"Please just make it stop," I said and Atlas approached me slowly, putting the gun in a drawer.

"Just- Just tell me what to do," He said quietly, afraid to touch me.

"I want to die, please," I begged him and he tried to hold me but I flinched away.

"You almost killed me once, please just do it," I said as I held onto my hair, pulling at it so I could feel something other than this heavy feeling.

"I can't," Atlas said, his voice cracking. I let out a sob as I realized he wasn't going to grant my wishes.

"Please, I can't breathe," I said through my crying. Atlas finally pulled me into his arms and I held onto him, wanting him to take the pain away. He held me tighter and I finally felt like I could breathe again.

"Just keep fighting, please," Atlas said into my hair and I cried until I was exhausted and collapsing in his arms, he sat there on the ground with me as long as I needed. Once I stopped crying he picked me up and he laid me into bed tucking me in. I fell asleep lucky that I had no dreams because I knew they would have only been a nightmare.