You Have My Heart, Lady Illea (A Lady Illea Novel)

Chapter Eight

    I stared outside my bedroom window, unable to sleep. I kept digging through my memory for a lullaby I used to hear as a child. There were many but there few that stood out the most. I feel like there are things my heart used to know that my mind yearns to remember. How did that lullaby go?

Prancing pairs, painted wings.

Singing angels in the air.

Sorrowful song she sings.

Once upon a time.

   Running my fingers through my hair I tried remembering the rest. What was the next line? In my arms I hold you safe from harm. No that can't be it. In my arms I keep you warm. No, no, no.

In my arms you're safe from harm.

Watch them dance in gowns of gold.

You'll be here with me at last.

For all eternity.

   I leaned over the balcony and my soul was eager to sing. Touching my throat I cursed my voice for being handicap. I thought about the rest of the lullaby.

In my arms you're safe from harm.

Watch from here the evil storm.

Listen to this sorrowful song.

With me for eternity.

 I looked up at the sky and watched the stars twinkle. I started to wonder where my mother was. I started wondering if she ever thought of em as much as I thought of her when I was little.

  Let's go away.

Far from here.

Where the waters flow,

With liquid gold.

These things my heart,

longs to know.

Things I once remembered.

   I wonder if she remarried and had more children. I wondered if I had another family out there somewhere.

Sorrowful that I shall sing.

Once upon a time.

     There's a knock on my door and I turn around. I'm ready to yell at my girls to go away and leave me in peace. I couldn't even yell at them because I couldn't talk. If I tried I could lose my voice for forever. I started to stomp towards the door when Will walked in.

    I stopped dead in my tracks. It didn't bother me at all that I was in a night gown. My heart was so over filled with joy from seeing him tears immediately started flying down my cheeks. Will looked like he was frozen in place. He just stood there and we looked at each other. I fe;t my heart leap out of my chest and try to reach for him but I couldn't move. 

   Then little by little I took a step closer, and then he did, and before I knew it I was standing in front of him. I blinked  up at him iwshing my eyes could say everything that my voice couldn't. My voice was useless now.

I may never sing again.

   It was like Will had a permanent stay inside my heart and he already knew what was going on inside of me. Looking at him I could tell he read me perfectly. Not waiting another moment he took my face in his hands and kissed me. My tears mixed with the sweetness of his lips. I held his wrists and tried not to lose my balance. 

    In that moment it was like every little fight, every petty little disagreement, obliterated into absolute nothingness. It was just him and I. My Will and I and the rest of the world didn't exist. I felt his warmth pour into me like water from a river to an ocean and I had never been more at peace before. I wanted to live in this moment forever. I wanted to be enveloped in his warmth and safety and never leave.

   He parted my lips under the pressure of his and I squeezed his wrists to affraid to move my hands elsewhere. He slipped his hand around my waist and the other pressed against the small of my back. Immediately a fire like pain swam through my veins and I had to nearly throw him off of me. I covered my mouth to keep from screaming and the tears turned into hysterics.

"Alessa!" Will said and reached out for me.

   I felt so embarrassed. I felt so petty and little. I scrambled away from him and squirmed onto my bed holding onto the post. I shook my head fiercely. Surely he must've known I could not talk.

"I don't understand I-" and then it dawned him. "Oh my God, forgive me. I'm so sorry, I was so careless-"

  He reached for me again and I held up my hands for him to stay away. I didn't want him to see me this way. I was so wounded. I was weak and defensless, I couldn't even kiss him without wanting to die. And I couldn't tell him how I felt either because for Christ's sake I was nearly handicap. I could visibly see the hurt in his eyes but I needed him that way. If that was the only way I could communicate the message "Don't touch me" then it had to be done.

   I wasn't angry with him for what happened. I wish I had the chance to explain to him but judging by his face he either knew and didn't care or didn't know and forgave me regardless. I stared at him helplessly hoping I could convey to him how I felt. There were so many things that have gone unsaid between us. 

And now it literally couldn't be said.

"Send for me," he said weakly. "When you please."

    I looked away from him as he left the room. Once the door shut I collapsed on my bed in a fit of hysteric tears.