Bella Twins Teen Years: High School Sucks

I don't know what to do with myself now (Brie)

Brie's POV
I woke up the next morning at 6am because that's when they had to take my temperature, even though I know I don't have a fever. Get up and use the bathroom so I can weigh you. The nurse said. Isn't it a little early for that. I said. No it's not we have to weigh you through out the day. This is before you eat so it's more accurate. Fine. I went to the bathroom and she went with me. I rolled my eyes. This is annoying. I said while I pulled down my pants. It's not really something I can change Brianna. She said. After that she stood in there and watched me pee. After that, I stepped on the scale. Close your eyes and look up she said. What, why? I said. You don't need to know your weight at the rate your going. You think you should keep losing when you should be gaining. Fine. I said and rolled my eyes again. Step off. She said. Stop blocking the IV fluids by pinching it Brianna. She said. I was shocked I had been doing that since last night. I could not gain any weight. Your going to end up being upstairs. She said. Shut the fuck up! You can't make me! Unhook this annoying thing or I'll block it! I yelled. I can't you have the IV fluids because you wouldn't eat and if you continue to pinch it you will have a feeding tube which hurts and you won't be able to talk.
Do you talk like that to your parents? Then I realized how bad what I said was. No I don't! I'm really sorry please don't tell my mom. She sighed you really have to want this for yourself I'm trying to help you. I don't think calling your mom and telling her you cussed at me will. You have the worst attitude and people like that leave and go upstairs or they almost die. We went back to the room. You need to eat breakfast then I'll give you your schedule for the day. Nicole was awake. She came out of the bathroom. Can I eat with you? She said. Before I could say yes the nurse said no. Why? She said she's my sister. Because she needs to focus. Where's the assistant? He comes at 10 and he won't let you eat together again because Brianna didn't eat. I think you have PT soon anyway. Fuck that! Nicole yelled. You think it's okay to talk like that too? I think I should call your... I don't give a fuck! She said. Fuck you! My mom will probably just sit there and cry. If making my mom cry makes you fucking happy do it! Because your a fucking bitch with no life. Ok. The nurse said. I just sat there shocked. She ate on her side. Soon the PT came in a they left. I'm sorry she's really mad I don't know why. My mom would be really mad if she knew that happened. I'm sorry. Stop saying sorry for her Brianna. She gave me some cereal. Eat please. She said. 45 minutes went by I had one bite. Brianna I think we need to set up a meeting with your parents. This is very unsafe. My mom and you think I care if I die? I said. We really need to if that's also how you feel. No my mom's really busy she has to work, take care of my bother and this upsets her. I'm sorry but It's for both of parents. No it's just my mom my dad...left. Oh the nurse said. I'm really sorry. Why are you apologizing for him? I said and smiled a little. Besides he left because of me Nicole told me. Come really Brianna? That's not true. She's seems like she can be really mean. I'm not trying to offend you. Your not. I said. She gets angry at me a lot. I said. She's probably having a hard time too. The nurse said. I know how hard it is having a parent leave. You do? I said. Yes my mom died when I fourteen. I'm really sorry. I said. I wouldn't eat either I thought I was fat so my dad sent me away. You came back though, right? No. She said he was embarrassed. He didn't want people to know and he had money to make sure they didn't. I'm sorry I really am that's bad. It's not your issue so don't be to sad you look hurt. Here, let me write down what you are doing today on your board. Nicole came in the room she wheeled over. Hi. She said. Aren't you going to apologize? I said. I'm sorry she mumbled to the nurse. It's fine. She said. Alright Brianna you have art therapy first. Therapy? I said. It's just art Brie you love art. Nicole said. Okay. I said. Then you have two hours of therapy. Then you have an hour for lunch or longer if you need it. You have to eat lunch. The nurse said. I let you go with eating almost nothing for breakfast. Really Brianna? Nicole said. Stop I'm trying! I yelled. She rolled her eyes. It hurt me when she did that. This was so fucking annoying why can't she just see this is hard and I'm trying. Then you have teen ED
group. ED? I said. Eating disorders. Oh. I said. The art therapist came to get me. Hi Brianna. She said. Hi I said. We went to a small art room. Do you like art? She said. Love. I said. What is your favorite way to make art. Drawling and painting. I said. Do you want to draw today then? Sure I said. I want you to draw how you feel on the inside. She gave me some really shitty colored pencils. There not the best I'm sorry. She said. Do you have a plain pencil? I asked. Yes. That was a lot better. I didn't need color to draw what was on the inside because it was all gray and black anyway. I finished in about thirty minutes. That's extremely good, very detailed, I really like it. You can really draw. She said. I know that I can draw. I thought. Thanks. I said. It's really dark and scaring though. This is how you feel? Are you going to call my mom?! I said startled. Brianna no it's okay. She said. This is a place where you can get out your feelings. Can you tell me about the girl's story first.
Um...okay. That's a girl at the bottom of a deep lake. She can't swim and the chains are holding her down. So if she could swim she would still be stuck. She has a knife because she figures she'll just die anyway so she might as well kill herself. Because no cares enough to save her and they ignore her screams and say learn to swim. Ok. She said softly. I see that. Is the girl you? I shrugged. I knew it was but I didn't want to cause more problems. Your not feeling suicidal are you Brianna? I shrugged again. Yeah but someone is watching me 24/7 so it's not like I can do anything. It's time for your other therapy. Do you want me to talk to her about how your feeling it's okay if you don't. She said. No. I said. I'm fine. I lied. Okay but I do want to show her the picture. I don't know if she will call your mom or not. She said. Fuck! I thought why didn't I just draw butterflies and rainbows and just lie. She walked me down I went in the office. It was the same therapist from when I was here before. Hi Brianna. Hi I said. I sat down on the chair. How are you? She said. I just looked at her. How do you think I am bitch I'm in the fucking hospital. I thought. We sat in silence for an hour. It gave me time to think. Can we talk about the picture you drew? I said nothing. More time pasted. Brianna? She said. I'm not going to tell you anything I don't know you. I said. Okay. She said. I have lived in Arizona all of my life. I'm 39 years old. I have been married for 8 years and I have two children a boy who is 6 and a girl who is 3. What if your husband leaves you? I said not really thinking. Well I hope we would talk about it, I don't think he would just leave. What would you drug him? I said. No. Why would I do that? Because you give out medicine for people who aren't the way you, the world wants them ,or if they are nuts. That's not true. She said. Are you upset about your dad leaving? She said. How do you know he left. I talk to Nicole everyday for an hour but I shouldn't have told you. I won't say anymore. Oh it's my fault Nicole said it was. I hate her! I yelled. She's the worst twin sister and of course I got stuck with her because my life sucks! Do you hate her because she said him leaving was your fault. No I hate her because she's a bitch and she's always mean to me unless she thinks I'll leave her and no one else puts up the her shit but me. That's why she doesn't want me to die. She acts like she doesn't know I'm trying. I was crying a little bit. How about we set up a meeting for you two at 3:30? I want you tell her that's how you feel. I like that. I said.