ataraxia, lorenzo berkshire

"nineteen"

i'm writing this whilst in a resturant next to my parents.

feeling: frisky and rebellious😈 rn

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"then prove it." he whispered to me, his fingers grazing the nape of my neck, his eyes conjoined to mine, his intense stare gouging deep into my soul.

"fine, i will." i replied, before turning away from him and skipping over happily back to mattheo's bed, recrossing my legs and continuing my previous, innocent stance as if he hadn't just made my insides liquidise a few seconds ago.

he huffed in amusement, tilting his head to the side and clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth, before walking back over to his side of the room and reengaging with his book.

i had a plan constructed crystalline in my head, i knew that by carrying out this plan, if it managed to happen, would transmit the message to lorenzo that he isn't the only one that can kiss and tell so easily.

i knew he thought of me as an easy target to his flirting and emotional manipulation, a test subject maybe.

im not a lab rat.

i hope im not, anyways.

i'd be a terrible lab rat.

but i can run on all-fours, so maybe i have potential:

we've been friends for a few years, and i was one of the only people who watched his progression from becoming a chivalrous, somewhat innocent first year to a primarily sexually-driven, cocky, sixteen year old boy who has a minimum of three girlfriends per week.

he knows i hate being a tryout for his tricks, and i think that's why he performs them on me. to get a drive - to feel the masculine satisfaction of winning over someone who vows to detest you the most.

"patience, lorenzo berkshire." i muttered, breaking the silence that dawned upon us as he was now reading, and i was watching him from the other end of the room.

he looked up from his book, his jaw tightening and his eyes darkening slightly as his eyes locked with mine.

"you're dangerous using my full name, valentina darlene." he replied, shaking his head softly, he knew all too well i was testing him, and when he felt even slither of another presence countering his dominance over the situation, he reacted - persisted, until he won.

lorenzo doesn't back down until he wins.

i grinned at him, holding back a laugh as i could see him doing the same.

the door swiftly flew open, and a rather pissed-looking mattheo walked into the room, slamming the door behind him and expecting to sit down on his bed unoccupied, until he saw me.

"for fucks sake lorenzo, did you let her in?" he pinched the bridge of his nose, turning to face lorenzo's direction.

"no actually, technically, she let herself in. almost walked in on me naked." he joked, smirking at me humorously.

he then proceeded to turn to me.

his eyes were frosted over like a depthless lake in the epitome of a bitter winter, his dark grey hues like slates of agate, blessed with the most amazing eyelashes.

in this moment, much like others, the only recipients of emotion that i could see flash merely within his irises was anger.

i don't know what could've possibly ticked mattheo off this much today, and i didn't want to know.

he tends to take out his anger on the people closest to him, and having been in that situation before along with many others, i'd rather not experience that again.

basically, he almost took my head off completely.

ballistic bastard.

if he wasn't insanely sexy, he'd be seen as a complete utter sociopath.

"valentina, outside." he demanded coldly, a swift action that automatically made me rise to my feet, as i sighed heavily, before leaving the room.

i swung open the door, watching as lorenzo sent me a 'sorry he's acting like this' glance before i closed it behind me before the situation could get any more escalated.

mattheo spent most of his life feeling negative emotions.

i felt pity for the boy, having grown up with not a single ounce of maternal affection and few moments of dire happiness affected him greatly, to the point where he didn't think he needed it.

ive heard around the school multiple times that he tends to take out his anger through punching things, or, surprise surprise, sex.

god, i wish having sex could sort out all my problems.

if only it was that easy.

my entire trip was overall unsuccessful, but the one thing i did receive from it was an opportunity to prove lorenzo wrong, to show that i was more than just a 'pathetic tutor' in his words.

and so, i'd spend the rest of the evening plotting exactly how i'd execute my retaliation.

it was simple.

my answer to a lot of equations, except logical, genuinely helpful ones.

my answer, you ask?

theodore nott.

i knew lorenzo thought we had something going on as he'd mentioned it in the past, so i decided that by using theo, lorenzo would believe that i'm not a complete pushover.

i know it sounds stupid to retaliate, to take his words to heart, but i simply had nothing better to do with my time, and a competition is a competition at the end of the day.

i mean, what would you rather do?

revise for a colossal amount of unbearably bland essays,

or make-out with hot boys in order to prove other hot boys wrong?

i know exactly what the sane majority of you would pick.

that same evening, before i went to bed, i snuck out and met theo in the common rooms, briefing him on what my plan was, my reasoning behind it, and if he was comfortable with it - just to make sure.

he was entirely comfortable, as why wouldn't theodore nott uncomfortable when it comes to getting with girls? exactly, he wouldn't be.

and so, tomorrow i decided would be the day that i completely and utterly hit lorenzo berkshire straight in the heart of his inflated ego.

i was going to sleep with theodore nott.

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LOL HELP IT JUST DAWNED ON ME THAT SOON ILL SCTUALKT HAVE TO WRITE SMUT.

i HATE writing smut.

i'm so scared, i don't wanna do it

but i want reads.

ok bye crying rn