ataraxia, lorenzo berkshire

"twenty nine"

quick author's note: i wrote this draft (soon to be published) in my room, in silence, in the dark, in the midst of a power cut and a storm with winds reaching 95 mph, with no connection.

enjoy!

him & i.

opposites attract.

i kept running from him, yet somehow that made him bound only closer.

and without much of a push, i let him get closer to me.

however when he did, the air began to heat up vigorously, the walls concaving inward - i felt the inability to breathe. 

when he touched me, it was like water to a colossal, burning fire.

you may find these situations correlated with that of a ravaging fire, but there is simply no other way to explain it through words.

i would elaborate, but if i did, i'm afraid i'd ramble.

and this fire, it flared up.

flaring up so fiercely it ignited goosebumps upon my skin, made my muscles contract and wince every time i felt his touch on mine.

i wanted to give in.

and so, during this moment, i did.

just for this moment, i put all the personal vendettas and the bickering behind us, a shift in mindset.

for all i wanted was to feel the warm, captivating, reassurance that i was wanted within that moment. wether it was a temporary want, wether i was a twisted coping mechanism for the boy - i didn't dedicate not a singular thought to it.

i'd leave the snarky remarks, the lingering, bitter glares, the nauseating tension until tomorrow.

and for now, in this moment, it was him and i.

his kisses became sensual, more delicate, as he placed his hands gently on both sides of my hips, flipping me over so my stomach was pressing against the rim of the sink.

using my hands to grip the edge of the sink to stabilise myself, i looked up into the mirror i was only inches away from, capturing his reflection as he worked against the side of my neck so delicately, like i was a piece of priceless porcelain.

i pressed myself against him, for distance was eventually overruled by physical attraction, intimate sensations that simply couldn't be fought off within the moment unless you were bred with a impeccably tough mental will.

his grip tightened against my hips, the only barrier that burdened us now was the fabric adorning and concealing our bodies, the remains  of my dignity.

it baffled me that i was letting the same boy who teased me, ridiculed me, put me down and constantly made me feel lower than him, touch me in this way.

but what's the use in fighting it when you knew it was going to happen at some point?

yes, i said it.

i knew from early on that there was this weird tension between us, one that didn't settle - only simply and slowly intensified as we matured together. not like draco, mattheo, theo, or blaise.

however i refused to let myself stoop that low, give myself to a boy of his type, bathed in excessive privilege, whom put me down whilst lifting his nose upwards when he looked at me, who disposed of girls like he did his morals.

however, he was still the boy that asks me how i'm doing, is so painfully observant that he could tell how hungry i was simply based on how my posture was at the dinner table, who pulled my seat out for me at the three broomsticks, who stuck up for me that one time in the library, and who let me lean on his shoulder when i was too washed out and exhausted to rely on my own.