ataraxia, lorenzo berkshire

"thirty nine"

'he's so pretty
when he goes down on me

gold-skinned, eager baby
blue shirt out the laundry

he tells me,

"he's gentle when he wants to be"

so i think he wants to be
gentle with me.'

•

lorenzo and xander were studying silently within the school's communal library. it was late in the evening, around eight. it was a friday, however, which meant that the library was to be kept open extra hours for those students who want to catch up with outstanding homework so they can relax during the weekend.

lorenzo had been putting his heart and soul into his studies, he first wanted to work within the ministry of magic, however, after some evaluation of what he really was passionate about, he settled on medicine.

surprising to some, as lorenzo only just scraped a passing mark in his more scientific exams in the past, he was actually rather good at it. he had the upmost potential, except he never gave up the time in order to pursue his passions - he'd be smoking, drinking, and sleeping around instead.

a coping mechanism which ate into his valuable study time, lorenzo came to the conclusion that if he doesn't have enough liberty to choose wether he be wed; he'd use the remainder of it to acclaim the correct grades and follow the path to at least secure the career he wanted.

lucius, of course, was unsupportive of lorenzo's desire to study medicine. he wanted lorenzo to follow his path; a death eater, a servant to the dark lord. this was, like any other sane person - his biggest nightmare. he knew if he fell into this rabbit hole of misery, he'd be stuck inside it forever. branded like property with the dark lords ink-age on his arm, the equivalent of losing his liberty entirety. belittling his existence to only succumb to being a servant, to merely carry out unjust deeds that were rich in harming others.

which was the opposite of what he wanted to do.

he wanted to heal.

himself, others. he wanted to provide support, a haven to those that felt lacking of it. like he did. lorenzo was always intelligent, an had an excellent intuition, he just never had the correct environment to thrive and grasp these qualities, his want to spread good, to heal the world.

a part of him was scared. not only of the fact that he was on the cusp of becoming the passenger in his future entirely, but because he knew there was a possibility he wouldn't be able to escape his past, his old ways.

tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap-

"lorenzo, sorry to interrupt-," xander whispered gently, "but i'm trying to read this article and all i can hear is you aggressively tapping your quill against the table." he smiled slightly, trying to lighten the mood as lorenzo was clearly bothered, stressed.

lorenzo looked up at the dark curly-haired boy opposite him on the oak circular table sandwiched in by bookcases, clearing his throat.

"yeah, sorry." he let out a fake chuckle, before looking down at his book, that had a few scribbly annotations, but also now a big blotch of puddled ink as he'd tapped all the writing substance out of his pen, the paper absorbing it.