When The Gold Is Gone ✔ ~ trixya

Chapter 4: The Stranger In The Mirror

Once dinner had ended Katya wasted no time to return to her bedroom. Whilst the King and Queen were prepared to sit longer with the newly arrived Princess Beatrice, Katya could not bare to stay in the room any longer. She couldn't listen to happy conversations of their future wedding and pretend like nothing was wrong.

"How was it?" Judy asked once the Princess entered the room.

"Fine." Katya answered, pulling off her suit jacket.  

"Really, that's all?" The maid questioned.

"It was uneventful, there's not much to say."

"Alright, how was the princess?" 

"Fine."

In truth, Beatrice was as close to perfection as they came in terms of what one would want a princess to be. She was charming, sweet and polite, not even commenting on the fact that Katya had been directly rude at many points throughout the evening. Trixie had not seemed bothered at all, instead she seemed to have simply accepted Katya's behavior as well as her absence earlier in the morning.

And somehow, this made Katya disdain her even more. 

"Is she as beautiful as they say?" Judy asked.

"Hmm.. she looks like her photograph I suppose."

"So that means yes then." The maid replied as if it was a completely confirmed fact.

"Why does that mean yes?" Katya asked.

"Because you like looking at photographs of her."

"Wherever did you get that idea from?" The Princess scoffed, finding the statement utterly ridiculous.

"Your Highness, I grew up inside this castle alongside you. I've known you since I was a child, and when my mother got too ill too work, I took over as your maid. There's very little I don't know about you after all these years. So do you really think that I'm not aware of the stack of photographs you keep in your bedside drawer?" 

"That... that's nothing... She sends them with her letters, that's the only reason I have them." Katya replied, suddenly feeling as if she had been backed into a corner. 

"Yes, of course. And as someone who claims to greatly dislike Princess Beatrice, it is of course entirely natural for you to keep every photograph of her that she has ever sent." The maid challenged.

Had Judy not been so close with Katya, such a challenge would surely have lead to a harsh scolding from the Royal. But instead Katya simply stood there tongue tied, trying to find an explanation for why she had kept the photos. 

"What are you trying to say?"

"Simply that you may be too blinded by your hatred for the situation to realize how you actually view her, how you feel about her... and that if you continue to push her away, you might wake up one day and regret it." Judy told her sincerely.

Katya thought about the words of her maid, wondered for a moment if she was truly becoming blind to her own emotions. She quickly realized that she had no real explanation as to why she kept the photos, perhaps it was that it simply seemed to harsh to throw them out. 

For surely there was nothing more to it, was there?

Of course, she knew that Beatrice was not unattractive, she'd be a fool to suggest so. But she also did not see the marvelous beauty that everyone else saw. From the way people talked you would think she looked like an ethereal being, when in reality the nearly fifteen year old princess was simply a sweet looking girl with an air of innocence about her. To Katya she seemed the same as when they were children, very well brought up, polite and patient, the very image of a princess, and yet deeply naive. That naivety was infuriating to watch in Katya's opinion. Beatrice was nearly fifteen, and yet she acted like a child who was simply following instructions, no real mind of her own. 

"Please, being rid of her would be the best thing that could happen to me, I'd be free." Katya responded as she kicked off her shoes, anxious to get out of her male costume, anxious to look like herself again.

"Your lack of freedom isn't her fault, you know? And what's the point of being free if you're alone?" 

Katya thought about it for a second, but then threw the thoughts away. In the end, her engagement to Beatrice was the root of her problems, so of course she wanted out. And she could always find someone else, another woman. Of course, this might be the only time her family would accept her marrying a girl, but she could always keep it hidden.

She was certain that if her parents knew about her interest in women they would be shocked but also relieved as it meant a clearer path towards Trixie, but in truth it only made it more painful. After all, relations of the same gender was deeply illegal in Midrosen and Beatrice would surely be horrified once she learned the truth about her fiance. For this was what the King and Queen never discussed, but what their daughter thought about a great deal, what would happen after the wedding. Sure, they could keep Trixie in the dark until then, protect the alliance, but eventually the wedding night would come, and then the young Princess would know the truth. And Katya would be the one who had to deal with seeing the disgust that would surely show on her face once she found out.

So even if Katya saw no issue with marrying Trixie, it would all eventually turn sour, because she could never offer the Princess what the girl had been promised;

A Prince.

"Just... get me out of this ridiculous costume." Katya eventually said as she pulled harshly at the false beard.

Attempting to pull away the mask, if only just for a short night.