When The Gold Is Gone ✔ ~ trixya

Chapter 33: A Mother's Heart

Word from Midrosen came two weeks later, but it was not addressed to Trixie such as they had all expected. The letter was sent to the King directly, a strictly business related request for soldiers and timber in exchange for the gold Resvya so desperately needed.

"Are you alright, Beatrice? I know this was not the response you expected." The Queen asked.

"I am perfectly fine. I secured the funds for our people, as is my duty as future Queen Consort, and now we will be able to feed our soldiers and search for Katya. That is all that matters." Trixie replied, trying her best to ignore the pain in her chest.

All those years of trying her best to be the perfect princess, hardly ever complaining or asking her father for anything, and yet now even a heartfelt letter could not garner a response addressed to her. Sure, she had told him that she would accept it if his hatred for her remained, but his blatant unwillingness to converse with her still stung. 

"You are not fine, and that is perfectly alright. You are allowed to be hurt by his actions, they are vulgar and detestable." The woman said, holding Trixie's hands in her own in a comforting manner. 

"I just feel as if it is childish to weep over this when we did in fact get a quite positive response. We got what we wanted, I have no reason to cry." The young girl said.

"You have every reason to cry. Your father has acted despicably and would not even answer you directly when you wrote earnestly to him. Not to mention the fact that your wife is still missing. No one can blame you for being upset, or overwhelmed by all that has happened." 

And with that Trixie let all the tears she was holding back fall as the Queen wrapped her up in a warm hug. They stayed like that for a while, until they eventually grew tired of standing and sat down on the floor, never breaking their embrace. The Queen's hand began to comb gently through Trixie's hair, trying her best to calm the weeping girl. She knew she was all the girl had right now. The King was far too busy with budgets and battles, her father too cruel to grant her any care, and her wife lost. The Queen was the only one who could be there to provide comfort, and so she did, as if she was holding her own child. 

Somehow it was comforting for her too, the opportunity to take care of someone easing her own nervous heart. She had already lost one child, the thought of loosing Yekaterina too was simply unbearable. For months now the Queen's hatred for herself had grown as she was filled with regret and thoughts of what might have been if she had just been a better mother to her daughter. Even if she and Yekaterina had made up before the princess had left for battle, it didn't change all those years of pain which she herself had caused. 

In truth she had forsaken her most important duty, the duty of raising her daughter with love and understanding. The loss of a child weighs heavily on a mother's heart, and the loss of Alexej had become so unbearable that getting him back was all she could think of, when really she should have appreciated the child that still remained, should have made sure that Yekaterina knew she was loved. She did the best she could, but she had still failed, her grief placing a veil over her eyes, preventing her from caring for Yekaterina as she should have done. Forgetting the importance of loving her daughter for who she truly was, forgetting to make sure that she knew her own worth as simply Katya.

"She will return to us, will she not?" Trixie asked through her tears.

"Yes, she will, Beatrice. She must." The Queen replied.

Katya had to return, the Queen thought, for what would she do if she lost another child?
How would she live with herself if Yekaterina died?
How would any of them move forward without Katya?