When The Gold Is Gone ✔ ~ trixya

Chapter 28: Humbly Serve Her Country

Trixie was asleep by the time Katya came to tell her supper was ready. The poor girl had cried herself to sleep after seeing her father sail away without so much as a goodbye. Katya couldn't blame her, even if she felt some comfort from knowing that both King Erik and Prince Henri had gone seeing as they were both so vocal in their distain for her and Trixie's relationship.

"Darling, supper is ready." She said as she gently let her fingers comb through the sleeping beauty's blonde locks.

"K-Katya?" Trixie asked confused as she stretched and yawned, earning a nod in response from her wife. "I must have fallen asleep, my apologies."

"That is quite alright, angel. You have every right to be tired." Katya responded.

"It feels foolish to be so hurt over something I knew would happen." The princess said.

"It is not foolish at all. Please do not think that you are not allowed to be hurt by this, anyone would be." 

"But I have been trained not to be... Duty comes first and family second, that is the way it has always been... My only purpose has been to marry well, to marry a Prince for the sake of the Kingdom no matter the cost. You may have been tortured by being treated like a son, but I have lived the harsh reality of being treated like a daughter. The only reason my father wanted a daughter at all was so he could marry me to your brother, or to someone like Prince Henri. He has never been granted the son he so desperately wanted, and as much as he cherished me as his only child, I knew he would never be satisfied with having me as his only heir. I was never good enough, not truly. I could never truly be forgiven for the sin of taking my mother away from him and preventing him from getting any sons, his words at that meeting just confirmed what I have always known."

Katya had never considered the fact that Trixie being born and raised as a girl had been a curse to her. Her own predicament had caused unbearable turmoil, but she had never considered all the things Trixie had been kept from doing as a woman, all the freedoms she would have been denied. A princess was like a breeding horse to most royals and, with how traditional King Erik was, there was no doubt that the young princess would have been trained to only measure her own value in her ability to keep a husband happy and bring healthy princes into the world. This was a responsibility Katya's unfortunate situation had freed her from, a pressure she had not had to face, but one which must have haunted Trixie.

"I never thought of it that way... I never considered how much pressure you had on your shoulders. I think I was too busy pitying myself to truly realize how difficult all of this has been for you." Katya said apologetically.

"No please, do not think I blame you, I do not in the slightest. I am so grateful to have you in my life, and I am so grateful to your family who are standing by our side. Your mother was absolutely lovely to me and made me feel so much better after the meeting, and you have been nothing but supportive." Trixie said, taking both of Katya's hands in her own to make the point come across as sincerely as she could before she continued in a more hesitant tone. "I just... I think I only now realized how toxic my father's love for me has been. I thought I was the apple of his eye, but now I realize how I have always been a bargaining chip first and foremost. And despite how hurt I am, I am too broken by his words of what is proper behavior for a princess to truly feel like I have a right to be." 

"You do not have to worry about what is proper, we can create our own definition of that. Starting from now, we are going to live by our own rules, and no one will get to tell us who we should be. My mother talked to me and apologized for the choices they made, both my parents are completely on our side in this now. So although we might still have to guard our people and serve the Kingdom, we are going to do so on our own terms and we are going to create a new tomorrow together, alright? Will you do that with me? Will you change the world with me, Beatrice Elizabeth Agnes Zamolodchikova?" Katya asked with a warm smile as she kissed her wife's hands tenderly, making Trixie giggle slightly.

"I will gladly change the world with you, Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova." Trixie replied before pulling the Resvyan girl in for a passionate kiss.

They stayed in each other's arms for a while, despite knowing that their supper was surely sitting on a table, going cold. Both girls needed to simply feel like girls for a moment, desperate for just a minute of freedom to love each other in peace without feeling the weight of their choices. 

"You will still need to go to war, won't you?" Trixie finally dared to ask. 

She knew the answer, knew that this was a duty Katya could not ignore. And yet she could not help but hope the Resvyan girl would give her the answer her heart wanted.

"Yes... I will... I know it is hard, but I feel I must. It is one duty I can not ignore, I must protect our people. But I swear I shall return to you as soon as possible." Katya said.

"If you must go, please promise you will return to me before the first snow." Trixie requested.

"Alright, I will return to your side before the first snow falls. I promise."