My Heart (WangXian)

Ch. 5 Fears

A/N I hope you enjoyed the last chapter. Lan Zhan is so in love and he was drinking vinegar at some point and didnt even realize it. Wei Ying is Well Wei Ying he isnt aware he feels anything more than attraction or feelings beyond a close friend for Lan Zhan yet. But he will eventually. This chapter deals with fears. *trigger warning* Will deal with depressive themes and will have mentions of past self harm. Also some events from the series or novel may not happen in the right order. This is how I imagine it. I hope you all enjoy.

Wei Ying's POV

A couple of months later

Lan Zhan are now doing official business well sort of. We are following the way of the spiritually possessed arm. Lan Zhan sent the juniors into the town to see if they can find any useful information while we are going into a set of woods. We are on alert for anything spiritual or resentful. Also before we separated from the juniors, Lan Sizhui had told us that it was spread that Jin Ling had gone missing. And he seemed very worried about it. So Lan Zhan and I are on the alert for him as well. I hope Jin Ling is okay. What happened to him? Why is he missing? How could I face ShiJie(senior sister) in death if I meet her this time, if I let something happen to her only son? There is spiritual energy around. And there is resentful energy all around us. But some of it is on me. Clinging to me so I have to work to differentiate between the two. Why does it also seem a bit foggy here? Suddenly I hear screams in my head. I close my eyes. It always hurts my head a bit and makes me a little dizzy to hear the screams of resentful souls. "Wei Ying?" Lan Zhan calls out. "I'm fine. We are getting near a lot of resentful energy Lan Zhan." Something flashes in his eyes but its quick and I dont have time to read it. It's so hard to figure out how he may be feeling most of the time. Cause he gives off such a blank face most of the time. I've only really seen him angry. And I guess desperate when he was trying to save me the time of my death at Nevernight. But I'm nothing if not determined and persistent. I will eventually learn his expressions. And I'm still hoping one day I will see him smile a true genuine smile. That would be such a bright day. He will shine so bright. He already is a pillar of light. He really does live up to his title. The world doesnt seem so dark when he is there. And he is so damn ethereal how does a weak pathetic mortal man like me live up to him? A sudden thought appears in my head of Lan Zhan smashing my back against a tree and kissing me senseless runs across my mind. The way he is kissing me is passionate and raw. Suddenly the screams of many voices get even louder and the thought is pushed from my mind. "Wei Ying?" Lan Zhan calls louder this time. "We are pretty much ontop of where the resentful energy is." I tell him. And a round stone building comes into view.

The resentful energy and spiritual energy must be coming from there. Suddenly I hear barking. When I hear dogs one of two things happen. Either I scream and try to run as far away as possible. I feel myself however go into option two. I freeze. My body becomes rigid like a block of ice. While my heart races. I feel my breaths become hard and shallow. Then the dog actually appears. The dog barks at us and tugs at Lan Zhan's robes. I feel like I'm looking into the eyes of a monster of hell. And I just wait for it to strike with its fangs. "Young Master Jin Ling's dog. We should follow." I hear Lan Zhan say. But it sounds like he is at a distance away. "Wei Ying?" He calls. Still sounding like he is at a distance. Its hard to focus on him. All I can see is the scary demented dog. And it's like I'm a child again alone on the streets. Soon the screams I hear are my own from my past. As a child on the streets trying to get away from evil demon dogs. "Wei Ying?" He calls again. This time I feel him tug on my wrist. I somehow force my eyes away from the evil demented dog eyes and look up at him. "What's wrong?" He asks. "D-dog." I say. And he gives some look. "Yes let's follow the dog to find Young Master Jin Ling." He says misunderstanding what I meant. The demon dog then goes to lead us. Lan Zhan let's go of my wrist and turns to follow the demon dog. I reach out and gently grasp a piece of Lan Zhan's outer robe to try and calm myself. And I force my legs to move to follow him. We follow the demon dog to a hole in the wall of the round stone building. Someone had forcibly made a hole for an entrance inside. Lan Zhan goes in first. And I follow, feeling my heart continue to pound because of the demon dog.