My Heart (WangXian)

Ch. 6 Truths discovered

Wei Ying's POV

It's been a little over a month and we have found more pieces of the body that the arm comes from. And the arm is still leading us. Though now we only need to find the man's head. Jin Ling had to go back to Koi Tower. And he took his demon dog with him. Even though he had to go I can tell that it made Lan Sizhui sad. I'm not for sure but I swear that Lan Sizhui has feelings for Jin Ling. None of the other Lan junior disciples seem to mind him leaving especially Lan Jǐngyí. When it comes to expressing how he feels about something that junior is as subtle as a stone wall. I know he doesnt like it when I talk about Lan Zhan in the way of a cut sleeve. I wonder how he would react if it comes to be that Lan Sizhui does have feelings for Jin Ling. Would he be able to handle it if the one he sees as a brother turns out to be a cut sleeve? It would hurt Lan Sizhui if someone he sees as a brother cant accept him for who he is. So I hope Lan Jǐngyí gets over it so he could accept Lan Sizhui if he does end up being a cut sleeve. I also hope that if he is that Jin Ling would accept his feelings and him. As well as return his feelings. I've heard that one sided love or Unrequited love is painful as hell. And I wouldn't wish that on such a kind soul and warm heart such as Lan Sizhui. I keep walking twirling my bamboo flute between my fingers the way I used to with Chenqing. I wish I still had Chenqing. This bamboo flutes quality is bad. Its better since Lan Zhan fixed it for me still it doesn't compare to Chenqing. Lan Zhan looks at me. I smile at him through my mask. Even though my stomach hurts it's been about 4 days since we all last ate. Lan Zhan and the juniors can all handle it because of their golden cores and they have practiced that practice through their Cultivation. But I no longer have a core though I once practiced it, so I cant handle it as well. I also feel a bit dizzy but I continue moving forward listening to the juniors talking among themselves since Lan Zhan is of course silent. I'm not sure what to say the hunger is clouding my brain. 'You are weak and pathetic. All you are good for is the Demonic Cultivation you practice.' 'You know he still doesn't accept that you practice it.' How can he? He doesnt know or understand why. 'He is the light bearer/bringer you only bring darkness.' 'You also are useless. We showed you the way yet you still failed the Wens, A Yaun and your ShiJie(senior sister).' 'Who else will you fail?' The voices of the resentful energy are so loud. I feel a hand reach and grab my arm. I look and Lan Zhan is looking at me. "Fight for control." He says. I just smile at him. And continue walking on though black spots appear on the edges of my vision. Oh please dont lose consciousness now. I'm such a weak and pathetic man. I keep going trying to fight losing consciousness. How am I supposed to explain why I cant handle not eating for only 4 days? "Mo Xuanyu?" I hear Lan Zhan call me though I feel like he is at a distance. Oh buddha. Sound goes weird. Darkness surrounds my vision and I feel myself sway as I fight this. "Master mo?" I hear a warm voice call out from a distance. "Mo Xuanyu?" I hear as I fall into the black.

A little later
I awake to voices. "Why did he lose consciousness?" I hear Lan Zhan's deep voice. "Dont worry he is fine sir. He just went without eating for too long and his body gave out. Now I'm not long into my practice that I was able to sense how long he hasn't ate for but he will be fine. Just get him to eat when he wakes." I quietly sigh. The doctor may not have been able to sense how long its been but Lan Zhan already knows. For he and the juniors have gone without eating for just as long. I hate that he had to waste his money for another doctor for me. I really am a burden for everyone I'm with. I close my eyes as a tear escapes from one of my eyes. Then I hear the door open and shut. Then I feel the bed dip down a little. "Wei Ying is awake?" He says softly. How did he know that. "Yes." I say opening my eyes and sitting up. "Why didnt you tell me you were hungry?" He asks as I take off my mask and place it beside me. "None of the juniors were complaining that they were hungry. I didnt want to be a bother. But I still lost consciousness and you had to waste your money on a doctor. I'm sorry for being a burden on you." I say softly. He is quiet for a moment. "Wei Ying is not a burden." He says seriously. How can I not be? All I've ever been is a burden. But I had really hoped I would not be for you.