My Heart (WangXian)

Ch. 7 A darkness, a target and a familiar feeling

A/N Welcome to another chapter my dear readers thanks for continuing WangXian's love story with me. *Trigger warning* Will have dark themes and some depressive themes. Also *bonus* Will include some of our Sizhui's POV for the first time. I hope you all enjoy.

Wei Ying's POV

I awake to the sound of water and gentle swaying. I open my eyes and Lan Zhan's face is the first thing I see. I could look into his face for eternity. But he must be uncomfortable who knows how long he had been holding me for. I shift to get up. "Take it slow. You are fine where you are Wei Ying." He says in his deep voice. Huh? Well I'm not complaining. But he really has no problem with it? "Master?" I hear a voice to call out. I look and in the next boat is Wen Ning. "Master we are almost completely out of Yunmeng. We already passed the border of Lotus pier a few hours ago." He tells me. That's good to know but how long had I been out? Has Lan Zhan really been holding me the whole time? Is he as unbothered by it as he seems? His face always seems so blank. But his eyes are saying something. But I cant read his look. But still why is he looking at me like that? With such an unreadable expression. I really wish I was able to read his expressions better. But I will not give up. One day I will be able to read his expressions. And one day I hope to see him smile. A genuine smile. That would make my day. Hell that would make my whole life. He already is a pillar of light. How bright will he shine when he actually smiles? It will definitely be a sight to see. "What's on your mind?" Lan Zhan asks. Oh just the secrets of my heart. "Nothing important. Dont worry yourself with it." I tell him. And he frowns. How did saying that bother him? Well saying the secrets of my heart would upset him even more. So its the price I have to pay.

Later

We are in a town to the west of Yunmeng. Wen Ning is around but he is keeping a bit of a distance. But I'm not really sure why. But I know he will be around if anything is needed. He is a good friend even if he insists on treating me as his master. Sure I had raised him back from the dead and then returned his consciousness to him but I'm not his master. I'm not anyone's master I never was. 'You are not a young master! You are nothing but a mere servant! Remember that Wei Wuxian! You are a nothing!' A worthless servant! A burden to this family and that's all you'll ever be!' I close my eyes as a voice from my past comes back to haunt me. Madam Yu how could forget? You always told me. And made sure that I knew never to ask for anything. Cause I never deserved anything not even what I was given. I must try to think of something else. An image of Lan Zhan appears in my mind. He is so ethereal and is such a pillar of light. He really shines bright. He is a model Lan and a shining example of a good man. And he stands by me. He is by my side he really is a good friend. I wish it was possible that his heart could lean this way. I wish he could love me the way I love him. 'You horrible piece of filth! Who could ever love you? No one would ever love you the way your heart may yearn for! You dont deserve the love of another person. You will never feel a warm body next to yours at night. Dont even dream of it! For a creature such as you doesnt deserve love! You never will! You would burden anyone and everyone do you really want that for anyone you may love?! You will be alone your whole life! For love wont come to you it avoids undeserving pieces of filth like you!' Her voice comes cruelly. I remember Madam Yu. I cant forget. I may forget many things but I cant forget that. I fight to hold back tears. My heart beats painfully. It stings like the stab of a hundred swords. Then suddenly I feel a hand grasp my wrist. "Wei Ying?" I open my eyes and look up. Lan Zhan is looking at me. Is he worried about me? Why? "Lan Zhan?" I ask. "Fight it. It's okay Wei Ying. Fight it." He says. Fight what? "Dont worry so much I'm fine." I say giving him a smile to hide it all away. The darkness, the pain and the secrets within my heart. He gives me a look I still cant seem to read but he frowns again. Why did that upset him? And how? Doesnt worrying so much about me cause such a bother? A burden? This reaction doesnt make much sense. Am I reading it correctly? "Lan Zhan let's go. We should get something to eat its passed afternoon." I tell him still smiling then I turn and walk away making his hand separate from my wrist. But I soon hear the sound of his steady steps behind me.