A Bambina or Bambino of Our Own

Positive

"Positive," Carina said, smiling at Maya, "I'm pregnant."

"Really?" Maya said, the exhaustion leaving her for a minute as excitement took its place, "You're really pregnant?"

"Si," Carina said, nodding as Maya sat up, kissing her deeply, "My number are high and looking good."

"Wow," Maya said, "I can't believe you are pregnant."

"I know," Carina said, looking at her wife as Maya gently put a hand on Carina's belly, "I'm trying so hard to be happy about it, but it's hard."

"I know," Maya said, nodding as sadness filled her eyes, "I know. Me too. I'm scared... That this will be like last time."

"Me too," Carina said, biting on her lip, "I don't know what I will do if..."

"Let's not think about it," Maya said, yawning, "At least not for right now. Let's just be two people who are expecting a baby."

"You need to sleep, bambina," Carina said, looking at how rough her wife was looking, "Did you sleep at all on the call?"

"No," Maya said as Carina guided her down to the pillows, "We barely had time to eat, let alone sleep."

"Well, rest now," Carina said, watching Maya's eyes grow heavy, "I have to work today so I might not be here when you wake up."

"Love you," Maya mumbled, eyes already closed.

"I love you too," Carina said, "Now sleep."

Six weeks later, Carina was eight weeks pregnant, and they were at their fertility specialist's office for their first ultrasound. Carina had been really feeling early pregnancy symptoms for the past four or so weeks, fighting what was often a losing battle every night with morning sickness, feeling pretty terrible between the hours of 6pm and midnight every night.

This was fine when they were home, Maya bringing her peppermint tea and cool towels, and rubbing her stomach, and hold her hair, but when she was at work, constantly feeling like she might throw up was not ideal.

To make things worse, the smell of smoke turned out to be a huge trigger for her nausea, meaning Maya usually had to shower at the station and then again when she got home just to Carina could be around her. She had experimented with different soaps and shampoos when Carina complained she still smelled bad, finally finding one that took the smell out completely.

"It's going to be alright Babe," Maya said, putting a hand on Carina's bouncing knee as they sat in the office, trying to calm her down.

"I know," Carina said, threading her fingers through Maya's, "It is just so hard."

"I know," Maya said, pressing a kiss to Carina's temple, "I know."

Both of them had been struggling a lot since Carina got pregnant with their anxiety. Carina would wake up at least twice a week having full blown panic attacks, and Maya found herself having them during the day. They both so badly wanted to be happy about this baby, but the fear of losing it was beyond overwhelming most days.

"Carina Bishop-Deluca," a nurse called, coming into the waiting room.

They both stood, walking hand-in-hand back to the exam room. Carina first had blood taken before they were left to wait for the doctor.

"What if there's no heartbeat?" Carina said, biting her lip, "What if we lose this baby?"

"I don't know," Maya said, honestly, "I know I will still love you, and be here for you, and we will still be a family though."