A Bambina or Bambino of Our Own

I'm Failing

It had been a month since Carina had gone back to work, and Carina was adjusting well. Maya's updates throughout the day made it easier.

Maya on the other hand, was not having as easy of a time. Carina was now back to normal schedule, and got stuck with the night shift for two weeks, leaving Maya alone at night with the girls four nights a week, which was more in the past week because there was some virus going around that had the hospital short staffed.

Maya loved her daughters, she truly did, but it was all getting to be a lot. There were days that Maya couldn't remember the last time she showered and nights when the girls wouldn't sleep for her while Carina was working meant she was getting next to no sleep.

It had also been raining non-stop since a week after Carina went back to work, meaning taking the girls out was impossible and Maya was barely finding three days a week to run anymore.

Rowan was stubborn and refused to take her bottle at least once a day, much preferring to nurse meaning Maya had a hungry, agitated baby on her hands who was impossible to soothe. Nora, on the other hand, now refused to nurse and only had a bottle even when Carina was home.

The girls were also going through some sleep regression that was apparently normal at their age, but that didn't make being up with them at 3 am every night for three days any easier. Maya was starting to have a hard time with all of it and there were days when she felt like she didn't know what to do with the girls. She felt like she was drowning in babies and bottles and laundry and diapers, and even on nights the girls slept, Maya's insomnia was starting to get bad again, but she couldn't take anything on nights when Carina was gone.

She had been to therapy a total of one time since the girls were born which meant she wasn't doing well processing anything.

Carina came home from the night shift one morning to find Maya in bed, the twins lying next to her as tears rolled down the blonde's cheeks.

"What's wrong Bambina?" Carina asked concerned.

"I can't do this," the blonde said, "I am not cut out to be a mom. Rowan wouldn't take her bottle last night and wouldn't sleep and I don't know what to do and I can't do this."

"Oh Bambina," Carina said, climbing into bed with her girls, "It's going to be ok. You are a great mom."

Maya just sobbed as Carina held her. Eventually, the babies started fussing and Maya moved to get them.

"No," Carina stopped her, "I've got them."

Carina picked up the twins, knowing it was time for them to eat.

"I'll be right back," Carina said, "Just relax."

Carina went downstairs, grabbing a bottle for Nora before taking the girls back upstairs.

"Let me feed Nora," Maya said, sitting up as Carina came in the room.

Carina nodded, handing the bottle and baby to Maya.

"What's going on, Maya?" Carina asked after both babies started eating.

"I don't know," Maya admitted, "I'm just so tired and I don't know how to help them and I don't feel like a person anymore."

"Oh Bambina," Carina sighed, wrapping her arm around her wife, "It's going to be alright."

"I am failing at being a mom," Maya said, starting to cry again.

"You are not," Carina said, shaking her head, "You are doing a great job. The girls are happy and growing and doing everything they should be because you are here with them. And you know I wouldn't leave you with them if I didn't think you were taking care of them. The only reason I can keep my anxiety in check while I am working is because I know you are with them, taking care of them."