Second Place

Confession

Confession is something that I really dislike, I don't see any benefit in letting someone know your weakness and secret. Kaya mo nga tinatago kasi ayaw mong malaman ng iba.

I hated confrontation. I don't understand why do I have to explain myself, hindi ba pwedeng what you see is what you get, bakit kailangan ko pang ipaliwanag ang bawat dahilan sa bawat bagay na ginagawa ko?

That is why I make fool proof mask. Akala ko talaga walang makakahalata, walang makakaalam, then here we are. Kung sino pa yung ayaw kong makakita ay sya pang unti unting sumisira sa maskarang ginawa ko para maitago ang panget na katotohanan sa buhay ko. I feel scared, insecure, pakiramdam ko pagkatapos ng usapan na to dapat hindi na ako magpakita sa kanya, The funny thing is even though I feel like I am being cornered I feel exciting, para bang sa tagal ng panahon ang saya ko na merong nakapansin, na merong naglakas ng loob na tanungin ako. It seems that Jennie really care, even if I don't deserve it.

"what do you mean? How are you not supposed to be born?" pagtataka ang makikita sa mata nya pero nakikita ko rin ang pagaalala,

"Both of my parents have their own family and no hindi ako galing sa broken family. After all wala naman akong matatawag na pamilya simula pa lang." humugot ako ng malalim na buntong hininga. "My Mom and Dad both have there own family ng magkakilala sila, they have an affair at ako ang naging bunga ng affair na yun."

I smile at her. "Manoban is the maiden name of my grandmother in mother's side. Walang ibang gustong magbigay sakin ng pangalan kaya ang Lola ko na malapit ng mamatay ang pumili na ibigay sakin ang pangalan na iniwan nya nung nag asawa sya. A name that is already forgotten. My existence is problematic."

"I have to admit that you are annoying most of the time and quite handful sometimes pero kahit minsan hindi ko naisip na problematic ka. A lot of people is thankful of your existence." Jennie is looking at me like she is giving me so much encouragement.

Natawa ako bigla, dahil kabaliktaran ang naging epekto sakin nun, pakiramdam ko kinakaawaan nya ako. "Jennie you don't understand! Sinira ko yung mga pamilya nila! How can they accept a bastard who forever remind them that they once cheated!"

Tumango sya sa sinabi ko pagkatapos ay inabot nya ang mukha ko at hinaplos ang pisngi ko. "Hindi ko sasabihin na naiintindihan ko Lisa, I never been in the situation all I can do is imagine myself in your shoe, but Lisa hindi mo naman ginusto ang nangyari diba? Ang parents mo ang sumira sa pamilya nila, hindi ikaw. Lisa naging biktima ka lang din ng ginawa nila." Mahinahon nyang sabi sakin.

Natigilan ako sa sinabi nya, hindi makapaniwalang may taong magsasabi sakin na hindi ko kasalanan.

Patuloy nyang hinaplos ang pisngi ko. "Wag ka ng umiyak."

Dun ko lang napansin na basa na ang pisngi ko at may luha ng tumutulo sa mga mata ko.

Bigla akong hinila ni Jennie papalapit sa kanya at niyakap ako. "Sige na nga, umiyak ka na, pero ngayon lang okay. Ayokong nakikita kang umiiyak."

And I did, I cried so hard.

Jennie have been very patient to me, she just stay there, hugging me and patting my back. She is humming this familiar notes.

Maya maya lang ay kumalas na ako sa pagkakayakap sa kanya. I look at her eyes and I saw questions.

"Ask away." I told her.

She smile. "Sorry, I'm just curious. How is it growing up?"

I nodded, Jennie really ask good questions. "I grow up with my grandma. She's pretty nice to me as far as I can remember, but when I was seven I lost her. Since then I grow up with maids." I suddenly grin remembering how rude they are. "Living with them is fun, I can be as mischievous and difficult as I can be and still be able to think that I didn't do anything wrong."