Second Place

Immerensis

Immerensis.

A word coined by author and poet John Koenig. According to the book The Dictionary of Sorrows, Immerensis is the maddening inability to understand the reasons why someone loves you-almost as if you're selling them a used car that you know has a ton of problems and requires daily tinkering just to get it to run normally, but no matter how much you try to warn them, they seem all the more eager to hop behind the wheel and see where this puppy can go.

I never thought that a time will come that I will use this word.

The moment that Jennie said that she love me I immediately back away and run as if my life depends on it. It's been 2 days now and I choose to isolate myself in my room.

I don't understand!

I can't understand!

Just how she love me?

How can someone that perfect love something that broken? I am a mess, I am a mistakes. I don't deserve it, I'm not worth it.

Napatigil ako bigla sa pagiisip ng makarinig ako ng katok.

"Lisa." Tawag sakin ni Jennie.

Hindi ako nagsalita, umaasang aalis din sya, pero mukhang kilala talaga nya ako dahil hindi sya umalis.

"Alam kong naririnig mo ako. Buksan mo tong pinto." Sabi nya sabay katok nya ulit sa pinto.

I was tempted to do it, to open the door, that's why I find myself at the front of the door and holding the doorknob, pero napatigil ako ng marinig ko ang paghugot nya ng malalim na hininga. Nakatinig ako ng ilang kaluskos and then it stop.

"Hindi ako pasensyosang tao Lisa at natetempt talaga akong wasakin tong pinto mo." Sabi ni Jennie, mahihinigan ang inis sa boses nya. "Pero alam kong hindi yan ang kailangan mo ngayon. Kaya kung ayaw ko akong makausap pakingan mo na lang muna ako."

Umupo ako sa sahig at sumandal sa pinto, handang makinig sa sasabihin nya.

"Your a constant person in my life Lisa, hindi ko alam kung saan nag umpisa, kung paano nangyari but you are Lisa. You're the stability in my life. You makes me sane." Mahina syang natawa. "Your a normalcy in my life that I didn't even realized how much I need you, kung hindi ka pa parang tanga na nagselos at iniwasan ako I will never realized."

"Pero alam mo ba yung nakakatawa, since the moment I notice that you like me I've been reserving myself for you. Nakakainis ka at wala tayong ginawa kundi mag away, but at the end I know that I want you. Kaya ng marealize ko na in love na pala ako sayo I'm not even surprise, kasi dati pa lang alam ko ng dadating at dadating tayo sa punto na yun." Dagdag nya pa.

Biglang tumahimik at aminado akong natakot ako, natakot akong baka umalis na sya.

"I remember nung first year tayo I accidentally saw your personal file but what catch my attention is your birthday. I panic not because I violated your privacy, nagpanic ako kasi nakita ko na malapit na ang birthday mo. Kaya that year stuff toy lang ang nabili ko para sayo."

So that's how she find out my birthday. I remember that year, nagulat ako ng bigla nya akong bigyan ng stuff toy, inasar pa sya nila Chaeng at Jisoo. Then the next year she give me the book series I wanted to get, the year next to that she give me 5 set of Celine hoodie, shirt, jeans and bag. At that time I really thought that she just randomly giving those to me, pero mali pala ako, all these time binibigay nya yun as her present.

"I've been waiting for you to ask me because I'm definitely going to say yes, hinintay kita Lisa at hinihintay pa rin kita, pero ng sinabi mo sakin ang nakaraan mo dun ko naintindihan. Kahit hintayin kita hindi kita makukuha sa paraang gusto ko, so I thought what if I make my move and I did Lisa, I tried." Narinig ko ang malakas na pagbuntong hininga nya. "Pero kahit pala subukan ko wala pa rin. Kasi Lisa sa ngayon ang pagmamahal ko, yung pagmamahal na pwede kong ibigay sayo hindi yun ang kailangan mo."