live a little - j.birch

o n e

i tapped away at my laptop with my right hand as i was finishing up an essay i needed to complete for english lit. my left hand was resting on the arm of the small swing we had on our front porch, holding a cigarette in place. the ash had got rather long; any slight movement would send it tumbling down. i pushed my round glasses up the bridge of my nose with my left hand, sending the ash onto my black top, which i ignored. pausing from the typing to think of what to write, i took a long puff of the cigarette. i wasn't a big smoker, but found myself drawn to the relief of the nicotine when i couldn't smoke my preferred choice : a blunt. something which i didn't have at the minute and was waiting until my boyfriend was home from wherever he was so he could buy some off of his guy. i didn't know who he bought it from but it was always good weed so i never complained about the mystery surrounding the situation.

i kept twitching towards my phone, waiting and waiting and waiting for bradley's message saying he was on his way to me. this was a message i had been waiting around 3 hours for, but that was a usual for me so i had grown more accustomed to it. no, i didn't love how little he told me about where he was going or who he was with or how long he would be gone for, but i didn't want to seem pushy or like i didn't want him to have a social life. that is basically like emotional abuse in my eyes, so i always kept quiet and just accepted him for who he was.

i flicked the cigarette butt towards the closest puddle to my porch, enjoying the sound of it sizzling out. i inhaled deeply, held it for a moment, and exhaled. i was growing impatient of waiting and decided to call brad. i'm sure he wouldn't mind too much, i'll just say i'm getting tired and want to head to bed soon. he can't be mad at me for that.

it rang once.
twice.
three times.

"hello?" a feminine voice giggled into the phone. i pulled the device from my ear and checked if i had dialled the correct number.

"is this brads phone?" i moved my laptop off of my lap and to the side of me on the swing. i crossed my bare legs and gnawed at my bottom lip. maybe it's just a friend?

"yeah, is this his sister bella?" sister? brad didn't have any sisters.

"no, it's his girlfriend bella, who is this?" their was no response from the other side. the moments of silence was ended as the phone beeped loudly in my ear, indicating they had hung up. my breath hitched in my dry throat as i just stared into space, the phone still against my ear. why would he tell someone i'm his sister? unless... surely not. he couldn't be.

my phone buzzed, waking me from my trance and making me jump as it as still against my ear. i felt like my brain was spiralling of all of the reasons he could have to tell someone i was his sister instead of his girlfriend.

brad<3 : srry u found out this way. my names melissa. brad and me have been dating for about 3 weeks now. soz x

how could he do this to me? not only that, he didn't even have the balls to tell me. this is how i find out?! what a dickhead!

i replied a short message saying fuck you and blocked the number. i proceeded to block him on every account i could and quickly changed all of my passwords through blurry eyes. i sniffled, the cold air whipping my tear stained cheeks. brad had his downsides, sure, but i really did love him. we had been together for almost a year now and i had lost all of my friendships over him. he didn't like me showing other people attention, and thought that they were bad company. i had no one to call or text to rant to. no shoulder to cry on. it's not like mum or dad would give a fuck.

before bradley came along, i had been friends with a girl since the first day of kindergarten. she was a bit strange and a self righteous drama kid, but she accepted my quirks and loved me. but i stopped talking to her to make bradley happy because i thought he was forever. i must of been a shit friend, and clearly a shit girlfriend or he wouldn't be with someone else right now.

i chewed on my lip until i could taste iron, debating calling her. the metallic taste made me grimace. it had almost been a year now. i can't just drop her out and expect her to care, can i? maybe she'll understand. she definitely got more distant when in relationships, but never fully blocked me out of her life.

i decided that my night couldn't get any worse, and dialled her number. i still remembered it from how often i called her before. it rang and rang and rang, until i almost gave up.

"hello?" her sweet voice made me want to collapse. i began hysterically sobbing down the phone, stuttering whenever i tried to talk.

"l-l-leah." i croaked, my chest hurting. everything felt like it was crumbling around me and i wanted to be consumed by a black hole.

"bella? is that you? are you okay?" her voice slowly grew more and more concerned as she spoke. i tried breathing deeply but interrupted myself with cries.

"i'm so sorry leah." i wailed, regretting the entire year i had wasted with this boy. my body hurt like i had a knife in my chest as reality of my life fell onto me. i had been an ass this last year to the only person who really mattered because of some lowlife douche.

"what's happened bells? where are you? do you need me to come get you?" she was clearly worried about why she got a random call at 8pm from someone she was moving on from. it hurt her a lot when i stopped talking to her, i could tell by the painful glances we gave each other whilst in school.

"brad. he- he cheated on me."

"oh bella. it's okay, you're better off without that controlling asshole." she tried comforting me, her voice being as soft as possible. i expected her to hang up as soon as she heard my voice, but she was a better human then i ever could be.

"i've missed you so much leah, i'm so sorry for ignoring you for him." i sniffled, searching through the things next to me for my box of cigarettes. i shakily pulled one to my lips and lit it, not caring i had only had one a few moments ago.

"i've missed you too. i'm gonna come to yours right now and you're staying round here. no ifs, buts or maybes. we need to be together tonight." what she said make me smile slightly, feeling a tiny bit of warmth inside my freezing veins. i couldn't express how thankful i was that leah birch was a better person then i could even imagine being.