live a little - j.birch

f i v e

leah was shocked to come home and find me with a completely new head of hair, but decided to not bring it up incase it upset me to discuss why i wanted to do this. instead, she gushed about how excited she was about the party. she gladly let me borrow a pair of her black jeans and a black crop top which accentuated my cleavage and stomach. her clothes were a tad bit small for me but that made my curves look even better. leah kept going on about how "hot" i looked but i didn't feel it. i just wanted to lay in bed and not move, but i knew i had to be supportive of leah if i wanted to make up for how i've treated her the last year. i was helping her unpack red solo cups with nick as i listened to her going on about how excited she was. i blocked out of the conversation for a little while, but checked back in as a new voice joined the conversation.

"third person threat. nice." judd grunted, slamming the drinks on the counter.

"here's your gay ass wine for your gay ass theatre friends. the jacks mine." he snatched up the jack daniels bottle and stalked away again.

"thanks judd! you're america's sweetheart!" leah called after him, now taking the bottles of wine out of the box and onto the counter top. she gave a confused look to the two bottles of vodka mixed in. my eyebrows furrowed as i knew that the amount of money i gave him wasn't enough for barely an extra bottle of vodka, let alone two.

"why-" i cut her off.

"he got them for me. i don't drink wine." i explained as i picked up the bottles. i hid them in the back of a cupboard, not wanting some drunk dickheads stealing my drinks.

———

the party was in full swing and i was sat in the corner of the garden just people watching. i did this a lot as people did odd things when they thought no one was watching. one dude was trying his hardest to hit on a girl who was busy throwing up her guts. another person was yelling down the phone at someone whilst another was shouting "party wolf" as they guzzled alcohol from a bright pink bottle which looked like a teddy bear.

my loneliness was ended as i felt a presence sit next to me, though they didn't speak. they only interaction we had for a while was him grunting as he offered his joint to me, which i gladly took. we shared the whole thing before we even uttered a word.

"people are weird." i said as i continued glancing between the drunk teens. he grunted again, but this time in agreement.

"why aren't you mingling?" he asked me, taking a large glug from his jack daniels bottle. i copied him and took a large mouthful of my drink.

"not my crowd."

"who is?" silence fell on us again when he muttered that question. the honest answer is that i didn't know. i finished off my drink and sighed. i slapped my thighs as i stood up and looked down at judd. he snapped his glare from a random teen and looked up into my eyes. i extended my hand to him.

"what?"

"i wanna get shitfaced. are you gonna join me or not?" i rolled my eyes. he smirked and stood without taking my hand.

"follow me." he strode back towards his house, and i had to speed walk to keep up. i snatched my bottle of vodka from the kitchen as we passed through. he eventually led me to his room, where he slammed the door behind us. i stood their silently as he rummaged around his desk draw before revealing a small baggy.

"you really wanna get shitfaced?" he smirked evilly at me as he shook the baggy towards me. inside the bag was multiple little red pills and i knew that this was ecstasy which he was suggesting. normal me would go running, but something overcame me as i walked over to him and snatched the bag from him. i tore one of the pills from the bag and swallowed it, using vodka as the liquid it could go down with. the corner of his lip curled up as he copied what i did, chucking the pill bag into his jeans pocket. we sat on his bed in silence for a while, just scrolling through our phones and occasionally stopping to swig our drinks. that was until about 20 minutes passed.

"judd?"

"yeah?" we turned to each other. my movements felt extra slow yet super speedy at the same time. my surroundings blurred when i wasn't focused on them and all i could see clearly was judds face. his jade eyes were mainly black as his pupils were growing in size every second, but the colour left in them looks vibrant as ever.

"i think i can feel it." i couldn't help but smile as the words leaked from my mouth. judd smirked in return and decided to swallow another one. i knew i shouldn't have but i decided to do the same.

"when did you get fun?" his voice was still monotonous but he had a smile creeping onto his face as the drugs began taking over us both. everything felt lighter and every little thing made me feel happy. judd jumped up and rushed over to his record player. i had never seen him have such a spring in his step before. he threw a record onto it and made the music start. the rhythm infected me and made me stand up. we began head banging and jumping about together and shouted the lyrics to the music. judd was always such a cold and harsh person, but even someone like him couldn't fight the power of the drugs we had ingested.

we smiled at each other as we sloppily moved about, pausing occasionally to drink. i giggled as i stopped and just watched judd move. this was the only time i had seen him smile. i knew it was the drugs talking but it really was an amazing sight. he stopped moving when he saw i was staring.

"what?" he crinkled his nose in confusion, now sitting down at his desk and rolling a joint.

"i can't believe i'm with my best friends older brother, off our faces, dancing about like twats." i hunched over laughing, falling onto the floor as i did so. my laughter infected judd and he let out low chuckles.

"i can't believe it either to be honest. it's nice to be able to be like this around someone." his voice was still monotone but he was grinning like the cheshire cat. i felt on top of the world, like nothing could hurt me anymore.

"we should have done this sooner!" i exclaimed, jumping onto his bed. he sparked the joint and took a long toke whilst nodding in agreement.

"i can't believe you dated someone like bradley fucking thomas." judd began chuckling to himself. i don't know why but a laugh escaped my lips too.

"neither do i. i can't believe i went blonde and changed myself for someone who didn't understand how foreplay worked." we were both in stitches at this point. judd even accidentally dropped the joint onto his carpet, which burnt a large hole in it. he picked it up quickly, still quietly giggling away.

"we should go outside." he spoke suddenly, jumping up and pulling me up with him. he held the joint in one hand and my wrist in the other. he dragged me downstairs and into the garden, ignoring the weird looks people around were giving us. weird looks which we're definitely warranted. but we ran outside, still giggling over something or other. we were stood facing each other, just taking in our surroundings. the moon winked at us both as it twinkled beautifully, the stars dancing around it. the grass under my toes felt like silk and the music felt like a big cuddle.

suddenly, judd pulled me into his arms and gave me a large hug. in my sober state, i would have been really confused. hell, in his sober state he'd be more likely to stab me then cuddle me. but there was a reason pills were referred to as a "love drug". i hugged him back, just enjoying the warmth of him. i didn't notice anything else going on around me except mine and judds embrace. he held onto my small frame tightly and breathed deeply. this blissful moment was interrupted.

"what the fuck?"