live a little - j.birch

t h i r t y - f i v e

A/N - sorry to interrupt! I hope you're enjoying the fic so far! Just popping up to say thank you so much for 6k reads! I started this story when I had loads of free time and since I've had covid twice, started therapy for my agoraphobia and my son has started acting up so much! I'm sorry for neglecting this story but thank you to everyone who's read. have a cheeky bit of judd's POV as a treat ;)

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JUDDS POV

i woke up the day of school starting up back in my own bed. i had got home last night and was happy to see that all of harriet's shit was gone. i was worried she wouldn't get the fucking hint that i was done with her, done with bitches, done with the whole relationship thing. i had a manifesto to be creating, animals to train and a little brother to traumatise. bitches weren't something i needed.

i walked to the bathroom to shower, the blinding light making me hiss slightly. though the light was the least of my worries as i came face to face with a bug of some sort. they were mainly yellow and had large wings and a creepy ass smile on their face.

"the fuck is this?" i grumbled, leaning against the now closed bathroom door. they grinned wider, jumping a little.

"i'm walter! i'm your new love bug!" he squealed, twirling around as he did. i furrowed my eyebrows as i scoffed.

"love bug? really? fuck off." i thought now that i barely saw maury that this shit would be over with. clearly i can't catch a fucking break.

"not so fast! you are destined for love! isn't that just exhilarating." he sighed, holding a hand to his chest where his heart would be. i rolled my eyes, too tired to put up much of a fight.

"i don't love nobody so you can eat shit now." the bug thing laughed, shaking off my coldness and put his hands on my shoulders.

"love is out there for everyone, and it seems like i'm here to find yours. now get your shit together and let's find the girl."

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the stupid, annoying cunt of a love bug hasn't left my side the entire day spewing all this positive shit about love. i'd honestly beat the shit out of it if i could but i knew that if i ignored him, he'd soon fuck off. hopefully this creature won't last as long as maury did, but at least he was cool. this dudes just a fucking retard.

i was unlocking my van as i heard my name being yelled. i turned to face the source, coming eye to eye with leah. bella was standing a little behind her, chewing on her lip and looking everywhere but at me.

"what?" i groaned, looking towards bella and not leah. i knew i should say something but words wouldn't come out. i wanted to start over with her, just completely erase everything that's happened and meet her for the first time again. there's not another isabella out there, no one would compare to the type of person she is. and now i've fucked it.

"can you give us a ride home? bella will share a blunt with you if you do." she looked towards us at the mention of her name, her eyes finally meeting mine. i felt like the sun was caught in the corner of my eye, but the colour was more pink then yellow. i turned to see the love bug shining brightly, a squeal leaving his lips. he jumped up and down as he pointed to bella.

"her! you love that girl! who is she?" he gushed, getting a closer look at her. she tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear before plucking a blunt from her pocket and sheepishly shaking it towards me.

"isabella? no, i don't love her. fuck off." against my wishes, my ears started burning red with embarrassment. i definitely didn't love bella, but i couldn't lie and say i saw her as my little sisters best friend.

"no, no you do! isabella! awe just her name makes me feel like i've dived head first in a bag of coke!" this asshole was getting annoying now. i ran a hand through my hair and ignored him.

"sure. but you don't have to share with me." i tried to give her an awkward smile, but i'm sure if came out more as a grimace. i nodded and climbed into the driver seat. it didn't go unnoticed that leah shoved bella into the passenger seat, much to her dismay. leah crawled into the back, immediately putting earphones in. i rolled my eyes at her obvious attempt to get us to talk.

"i saw harriet the other day." she broke the awkward silence. she crossed her legs, not bothering to do her seatbelt and faced me. she sparked the joint as she waited for a reaction.

"so?" i grunted, keeping my eyes on the road. even though this isn't the topic i wanted to be on, at least she was actually talking to me. i've missed this more then anything, not that i'd admit that of course.

"you can't keep doing this shit to people judd." she sighed, her eyes now looking at the joint and not me. i flicked my eyes to her for one second, seeing her debating something in her mind. she clearly wanted to say something but wasn't sure if she should.

"doing what?"

"disappearing! it's not fair on the people around you judd. you do it to your family all the time, you did it to me and brought her back without any word, now your way of breaking things off with her is to just fuck off for weeks? it's not right judd. i know you're the 'bad boy who don't give a fuck' but you need to realise that other people do care." she ranted, pausing just to take a deep breath and run a hand through her hair.

"when you disappeared on me those months ago, i couldn't sleep properly. i didn't care you wanted to stop whatever the fuck we were doing, but i cared that you wouldn't even consider how scary that was for me. i thought you died or some shit! and clearly you made harriet feel the same. it's not fair judd. you can't make people care then throw it in their face." she ended her rant, now turning to look out the window and taking a deep inhale of her joint. i took a breath in, then placed one hand on her thigh whilst the other held the wheel. she spun to me quickly, about to push me away but stopped as i spoke.

"i'm sorry bella." she froze, clearly stunned. she slowly turned to me, staring at the side of my face and scrunching her eyebrows together.

"wh—what?" she stuttered, pouting her lip out slightly unconsciously. she looked cute when she did that, like a puppy or some shit.

"i shouldn't of done what i did to you. i'm sorry for being a cunt to you bella, you don't deserve that. i'm not good with this shit okay. just— i'm sorry. okay?" i pulled into our driveway as i spoke, pushing on the break and now turning to face her. i could get lost in her blue eyes if i stared long enough. something about her just made me not want to ever see anything else again, just the blue of her eyes and the way she bit her lip and how she would roll her eyes when i said something stupid. or the way her eyes glazed over the more stoned she got. or the way her face showed all of her emotions even though she didn't realise it.

"thank you." she gave me a genuine smile, one that made her blue eyes go a shade lighter. she placed a half smoked joint in my hand before climbing out of the van and disappearing into my house with leah in tow. i hit my forehead against the steering wheel, groaning as i did.

"boy, you're down bad for that girl. you're fucking blind if you don't see it." walter smirked, a little giggle leaving his lips. i ran a hand over my face, staring at the seat she was just sat in.

"fuck." is all i said, though my mind screamed 'i know'.