live a little - j.birch

f i f t e e n

i had a little pep in my step today as i prepared everything. the alcohol - thank you judd. the snacks. the movies. the face masks. i wanted it all to be perfect as it was my first time hosting girls night. leah and her friends often had girl nights and she said i should host one so i could get to know the girls better. it would just be me, leah, grace, tara and talluhlah which i was really looking forward to! judd wasn't a massive fan of having to find plans that night but agreed once seeing my happiness towards it all.

"hey bitch!" i swung the door open to reveal all the girls, though leah was at the front. we were all in pjs and the girls were all holding either snacks or alcohol.

"hey! nice to see you guys, come in." i welcomed them all in, taking in the other girls appearances in. grace was a short ginger girl, she was a tad smaller then me which was strange as i was so short that i never really saw anyone smaller. she also had big brown eyes and a dimple on the left side of her face. tara was next. she had long blonde hair, similar to leahs but leahs was brighter and more natural looking. her eyes were light green, almost blue in a way but not quite. she was a few inches taller then me and hosted a polite smile. tallulah was the only one i knew better as she was in some of my classes. she had purpley hair that was short and choppy ad well as hazel eyes. she gave me a hug once in, grinning at me from excitement.

"i'm so glad we're all getting to hang out like this! it's been a minute." tallulah smiled, placing her things on the floor next to the makeshift bed i had made. it was how judd and i had been sleeping over this past week, and as there was loads of room left over, i thought it would be perfect for us girls. i poured everyone a drink, everyone one of them asking for wine. i poured a vodka lemonade, as well as 5 vodka shots.

"here you are ladies, now let's get these shots down ya." i giggled, chucking my head back and swallowing the burning liquid. tara and grace gagged at the taste, which made me giggle slightly. i let everyone decide on a movie, finally choosing clueless. paul rudd was in this movie and he was gorgeous so i didn't object.

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a few hours had passed and we were all drunk, some more then others of course. i definitely handled my alcohol better then them but found it funny observing them as they wobbled about and slurred their words.

"let's play a game! truth or dare?" tallulah suggested, wiggling her eyebrows at us all. we all agreed, deciding to sit in a circle for some reason. i grabbed an empty bottle of jack daniels from the last few nights where me and judd had consumed too much of it, and placed in the centre. i spun it first; it landed on grace.

"truth or dare grace." we all watched her intently as she decided. her freckled face was flushed due to her drunkenness.

"dare." she announced after a few minutes of thinking. i scanned the room for an idea, before settling my eyes on the alcohol. i jumped up and grabbed 3 shot glasses.

"i dare you to do 3 shots. one wine, one vodka, one jack daniels." i knew judd left a bottle in the cupboard and also knew he wouldn't care if it was drunk as long as it was replaced. this was the perfect dare for grace as she was a lightweight. she nervously agreed and threw the concoction of liquids down her throat, almost throwing up with the jack.

everyone spun the bottle when it was their turn. after about half an hour, it finally landed on me. after watching tallulah streak down the street and seeing leah have to message daniel 'forgiving him', i decided truth was safer for now.

"when did you last have sex and who with." leah grinned at me. she had assumed i fucked that matt that night but because i denied it, she was clearly trying to get it out of me now. i gnawed at my lip anxiously, feeling a little awkward just spilling mine and judds drunken night together.

"don't get too excited lee, but we was extremely drunk and i don't know how it happened but the other night, me and judd-" all of the girls gasped at me, leah let an excited grin slip. she clapped and jumped onto me, giving me a hug.

"i'm so glad he got told you about tara and you managed to see past it! i know tara is a bit of fun but i can tell judd really-" tara and i both exclaimed a harsh "what?" before staring at each other. tara was obviously offended being called a bit of 'fun' and i was in a state of shock. i know judd don't owe me anything, but i can't believe he fucked someone else recently. maybe it was a while ago.

we spoke out next words all in sync with each other. (bold is bella, italics is tara).

"you slept with judd?" "you slept with judd?"

"yes, when did you?" "yes, when did you?"

"monday night." "halloween"

my eyes doubled in size as my throat went dry and my breath got caught in my chest. tara looked a little hurt too, but i was building anger up in my head.

"bella i'm so sorry, i didn't know you liked him! i didn't even know you until-" i cut her off with a sad smile.

"it's okay, you're not to blame here. i wouldn't give a shit cause i don't like judd like that, it was just a drunk mistake. but halloween? that little cunt." i stood up and stormed off into the backyard, taking my rolling tray with me. leah ran after me, telling the others to stay put.

i knew that night was a mistake. i knew it. he was just like everyone else. he used the fact i was drunk and hurting and used it for his advantage. now all of the times he was nice to me made sense, he was just trying to get a new fuck.

"i'm so sorry bella. i thought he would of told you before sleeping with you." leah spoke softly, as if too harsh words would make me explode. i rolled a joint and plopped down onto the swing.

"it's okay lee. i'm so stupid. i can't believe i would sleep with him." i rested my head on her shoulder.

"i know it's a douche thing to do bell, but i really think judd likes you. he isn't like how he is with you with literally anyone." leah tried comforting me, but i ignored her words.

"i wouldn't care but he was here on halloween. he almost kissed me even." i said the last sentence just above a whisper. leah hugged me tightly, clearly feeling bad for me. i sighed and sat up, grabbing my phone. i dialed his number and listened to it ring.

"tired of girls night alre-" i cut his sarcastic voice off.

"did you sleep with tara on halloween?" i chewed on the inside of my mouth, a metallic taste entering it. the phone was quiet for a minute.

"bella, listen, i was mad and-" i cut him off with a scoff.

"your shit will be on the porch." i hung up quickly, not wanting to listen to any bullshit excuse he had. why did i think he'd be different? and why did finding this out hurt so much?