live a little - j.birch

t h i r t y - t h r e e

i flopped next to tye, my hair sticking to my forehead from the sweat. we both stayed silent for a moment, just catching our breaths. i saw him wipe a hand over his face, a couple flecks of sweat following his hand flick.

"no wonder judd's got a stick up his ass over you." he chuckled, leaning himself up on his elbows. i let out a little laugh, feeling my drunkenness slowly leaking away from me and the regret settling in. i couldn't have that. i sat up and searched his room, my eyes landing on a bottle on jack on his desk. jumping from the bed, i waltzed over to it and chugged a large portion, the burning sensation settling my thoughts. i sighed, letting a small smile settle on my lips.

"you really are something else bells." tye shook his head as he smirked, now sat up himself and pulling on his clothes. i decided that was probably the best thing to do and quickly redressed myself. i was stood infront of judds floor length mirror sorting my hair out when he next spoke.

"let's make tonight a little more interesting." he was still only half dressed as he put a baggy of white powder in my hand. i grinned and grabbed judds credit card from his desk to start sorting out some lines. i could hear music thumping in the background of the card repeatedly hitting the desk. just as i fished a dollar bill from tyes jacket pocket, the door opened, revealing a very stressed looking judd. he was about to storm in before his eyes settled on the two of us. before he could speak, tye grabbed his shoes and scurried from the room.

"why are you in my room with that cunt?" judd seethed, slamming the door behind him. i ignored him and sniffed my line. i looked to the ceiling and tapped the bridge of my nose to make sure it all got ingested before taking a big swig of the jack daniels.

"tye's apology to cumming on your sheets can be a fat line." i smirked up to the man, playing with the rolled up dollar bill in my finger tips. he glared harshly at me before snatching the note and inhaling the coke. i leant back in the chair and closed my eyes, tapping my foot slowly.

"so you fucked in my bed?" he grimaced, staring at the sweat stained bed. i grinned, keeping my eyes closed.

"who says you get to have all the fun juddy?" i stood up and brushed past him.

"now if you don't mind, i'm off to see a boy about some snow." as i went to open the door, his hand slammed over it, making it impossible for me to leave. he had a murderous look in his eyes as he grabbed my wrists and pinned me against the door. my breath hitched in my throat as his eyes frantically searched my face for something.

"what has happened to you? you used to be a normal person. now you're sleeping around, drinking daily." my stare turned cold and i tried wriggling from his grasp, but he was stronger.

"you don't get to comment on how i choose to fix what you helped break." i growled, not backing down. he went to speak, but the words didn't leave his mouth. he looked like a fish out of water as his mind attempted to form a sentence. just as i was about to try getting away again, i was frozen still as his all familiar kiss landed on my lips. it was hungry, like a man who had been deprived. his grip didn't ease on my wrists but his chest was pressed against mine. when he pulled away, his face was tinged pink and he exhaled sharply.

"i was scared." he let go of my wrists and stormed towards his desk, his fist landing on his wall. i crossed my arms over my chest.

"scared? really judd? that's your excuse for being a complete and utter cunt?" i spat, the anger i had been trying to wash away boiling to the surface. he kicked his trash can over and punched his mirror, sending glass into his knuckles.

"i don't feel shit bella. i'm cold. i'm a cunt." his shoulders dropped as he looked at me over his shoulder, his face red from a mixture of emotions and alcohol.

"when i'm with you, i don't want to be those things. don't you fucking get that? i have always, always, been a violent bastard. when i'm with you, i could sit there all night brushing your hair or watching some gay chick flick or just talking." i was taken back by his words, my hard exterior crumbling ever so slightly. i slowly walked closer to him, avoiding little shards of glass from the mirror.

"so why push me away all the time judd?" my voice ignored my will to be strong and instead wobbled into a whisper, my eyes stinging slightly. he turned to me and cupped my cheeks in his bloody hands. i could feel his blood on my skin as his deep emerald eyes bore into my icy ones.

"i'm not the boyfriend type isabella. i train raccoons to kill my brother, i hate everyone one, i drink like there's no tomorrow and my favourite pass time is sharpening my knife collection. i'm not made to be all gooey and warm." his warm touch let go of me, his hands reaching to his pocket and pulling out a cigarette.

"you're can be what you want to be judd-" he had now lit his cigarette and cut me off with a cold, lifeless laugh.

"get out." i tried to splutter out a sentence but his face burnt red again.

"i said, get the fuck out! fuck off, go! now!" he bellowed, his deep voice making my heart stop, eyes prick and body shake. i shook my head, my tears spilling over.

"come talk to me when you let yourself feel good things. i can't keep forcing it out of you anymore."