live a little - j.birch

f o r t y

the day of destiny's party had arrived. i was fully anticipating the awkwardness of this whole situation, but was hoping the substances we would ingest would ease that slightly.

"what are you wearing?" leah asked from her bed as i examined the various clothes i had brought with me. the struggle with choosing this outfit was real. i wanted to look good enough to prove i was doing better overall. that i didn't need anyone's validation. but what comes with that is looking like i've tried too hard.

"well i can't wear anything too long cause we will be sweating out. i plan on getting royally fucked up." i chuckled, holding one of my black tops against me infront of leah's full length mirror. it had thin straps and the front crossed over in an x shape, making my cleavage look incredible. it ended just an inch above my belly button.

"Yes. That is the top. Oh my god I wish I had your tits." Leah pouted, admiring me as I pulled my original shirt off and folded my arms across my chest.

"Please, your stomach, legs and ass make even me wet, and barely anything even tickles me anymore." I laughed as I rolled my eyes, deciding to spray some deodorant then pull on the top. Leah was right, this was the one.

"Hurry up loser, I'm sobering up out here." Judd grunted through the door as he pounded his fist on the wood.

"Fuck off, I'll be out in a minute." I scoffed, scanning my eyes over the options. Leah crawled off her bed and examined the items of clothing before pulling out a black mini skirt.

"Throw this on with your vans, the flats will make you look more casual." I had to give it to Leah, when she was right, she was right.

"Damn mama I want to have you all to myself." Leah winked, watching me watch myself in her mirror. She was making sense, I looked so fine. I couldn't even deny it.

I bid a goodbye to my best friend before collecting up my small bag of items and skipped out of the room.

"Juddy! I am ready!" I sung, excitement buzzing through me at the prospects of the entire night. Sure, there will most likely be some awkwardness, but once we were all being little creatures, we will bond back together.

"Ew, don't ever talk like that again." He growled playfully, a glimpse of a smile on his face. I noticed his hard exterior was back tonight, but it was understandable. It was one thing to prove to me he wasn't a complete jackass, it's a whole other to show the world that.

"Blow me douche, now let's go! I'm not going to get drunk just standing here."

————

"I love you destiny! And if it's quite alright I need you destiny, to warm on these lonely nights!" Destiny and I were slow dancing to no music, cuddling into each other whilst I attempted to sing. Judd watched me from in between Ollie and Tye, his eyes not leaving me for a second.

"I love you guys so much, I've missed you judd." Ollie whined, laying his head of Judd's chest. I cackled as judd patted his head, not really sure on how to respond to this outright confession. But it gave me an idea.

"I know exactly what this group needs! Another pill and an honesty circle!" I clapped my hands excitedly and wiped the sweat from my brow bone. I pulled Destiny onto the floor and patted the ground, inviting the boys to join us. Tye and Ollie happily slunk into a circle whilst judd looked slightly more cautious.

"The fuck is an 'honesty circle'?" He couldn't help but grin at me, his emerald eyes gaining a glint I couldn't decipher. He ripped the bag of pills from his pocket and handed everyone one.

"The honesty circle, judd, is an activity to fix this whole friend group. Everyone gets to honestly admit something or speak about something or even ask someone a question. There's no anger, just good vibes and honesty." I explained before forcing the group to cheers their pills together before taking them. I took a deep breath.

"I'll start. Tye. The only reason I slept with you was because I heard Judd fuck some girl and I wanted to one up him. I regret doing it now as I see you like a big brother, but I know it's gave you the wrong idea and i apologise for that." I gently smiled at the boy next to me and he pulled me in for a side hug, ruffling my damp and messy hair.

"It's all good Bells. I like you but I can't force you to like me. Plus you and judd are hot together." I bit my lip and looked at judd. All he offered was a shrug.

"Okay me now." Judd wiped his palms along his jeans before talking.

"I'm really sorry. Like I actually feel guilty for how I've treated everyone. I don't know why I have to act like a cunt but I am sorry for how that's effected each of you. Like you Des. I used you for a hookup and we haven't been the same since. And you Bella. I can't even list all the reasons why I'm sorry to you because I have done so much to hurt you. You've just always been too good for me. Even when we were kids and I fucked with all my sisters dolls yet you managed to make it into a positive thing. You're such a good person and everything I touch burns away but I couldn't help but burn you a little. I'm so sorry Bells. I'm sorry everyone." Everyone was stunned to silence. Judd birch just went on an emotional rant apologising to everyone. And he was now sat with a small and content smile on his face. It almost didn't fit with his sharp features, to have something so soft clashing against them.

He was sat there, his long legs crossed as he picked at a loose thread on his jeans. He had chipped black nail polish and his eyebrows furrowed as if he should be scowling as usual. But in this moment, he looked pure. Innocent. Like the shittiness of life wasn't able to attach itself to him. It was so strange to see, but the sight made my heart swell in my chest.

AN - I'm so sorry for the delay! I'm really struggling getting any ideas for this but am hoping to get more written tomorrow and over the next few days. But some news for anyone who cares:

I am pregnant with my second baby! I don't tell you guys too much about me personally so if you care I will tell you a little something now. I'm 19, 20 in February. I had my first child, a boy, when I was 17. I'm still with his father, we are now engaged and live together! I'm very nervous but excited to be pregnant again!

So yeah, that's the chapter and a bit about me. I know it a little bit shit but I've got a couple ideas that will be better in this chapter. Also, my autocapitalise was on and I didn't realise until too late so half this chapter has capital letters 🤦🏻‍♀️ sorry for the shittiness, i hope this is okay for you lot though. Thank you for all the support, I really appreciate it all.