live a little - j.birch

t w e n t y - t w o

i laid in my bed, playing with my fingers as i looked at the ceiling. i had music playing in the background but i wasn't paying it much attention. i heard my bedroom door click and i sat up quicker then i'd like to admit, my neck aching from the quick movements.

"expecting someone?" my dad walked into the room with a tight smile. i gave him a little one back and leant against the wall. he sat at the end of the bed and watched me as i sparked my joint.

"nevermind, you okay?" i asked him before taking a long puff. i stared at my phone, mentally trying to will it to ring and for judds name to pop up. my dad noticed this.

"i was just coming to see if you was awake so i could say goodbye before me and your mom left for the city. i think the real question is if you're okay?" i gestured for him to have some of the joint, which he gladly accepted. my family believed it mellowed us all out and to be honest, we got along better since starting to smoke it.

"yeah i'm fine," i lied. he noticed.

"is this about that boy you've been seeing? your mom told me about him, leahs brother, isn't he?" dad asked, trying to piece together what was wrong with me. i sighed and rubbed my temples.

"judd. yeah. we was getting on really well and he's just fell off the face of the earth for a week." i grabbed my phone and flicked back onto the messages to judd. still no reply. i ran a hand through my hair which needed to be redone.

"oh no. did something happen?" he handed the joint back to me and straightened up his clothes. i shook my head, not able to pinpoint anything that would scare him away.

"everything was going so well." i huffed. i looked down at my shoes across my floor. i jumped up, grabbing my closest pair and throwing them on.

"where are you going?"

"leah or diane or elliott must know something. i'm gonna go see if they can think why he won't message or see me." my dad jumped up and pulled me into a little hug.

"i know i don't get to spend loads of time with you my little bella, but just know that you're an amazing girl. these boys don't know what they're missing out on. don't let them knock you down, the right person will make you know they're the right one." he squeezed me tightly, before patting my back and leading me out of the house. he offered to drive me as him and mom were leaving now anyways. the drive literally took around 2 minutes but it felt like it dragged. i thanked my parents and walked up to the large door, hoping as i knock i would be greeted with the cold green eyes i had grown accustomed to.

"hello sweetheart, how're you?" elliott asked as he opened the door and welcomed me with a tight hug hello. i gave him a wobbly smile, a glimmer of hope in my eyes.

"hey elliot, i'm okay. is judd here?" i asked him, glancing around to see if i saw any signs of him. his coat wasn't anywhere around and neither was his boots. elliot gave me a sad look.

"how about you come sit down with leah, diane and i?" when someone answers your question with a question, it's not going to be a good answer. i nodded and let him bring me to the kitchen where the birch's were just sat eating dinner. it seemed like they were done. i sat down in the middle seat in between diane and elliott.

"honey, judd isn't here. he hasn't been home all week." my breath caught in my throat at their words.

"what do you mean he hasn't been home all week?" i asked the birch family. elliot hugging me and diane held my hand with a firm grip whilst leah was sat opposite with a upset look on her face.

"he does it a lot bella. i don't know why. we assumed he would at least let you know." i ran a hand through my hair and gnawed at my bottom lip. judd wasn't my boyfriend so i shouldn't expect anything from him. but who the fuck just ups and leaves without telling anyone where they're going? for all we know, he's dead in a ditch. my nerves picked up a little, thinking of every possibility.

"i'm sure he's okay bell. he's never gone longer then a month." i practically jumped at the words, my eyes bulging.

"a month?!"

————

"can you believe mr johnson today? talking about how i need to 'pay more attention'. maybe i would if he didn't speak like an old dickhead." i grumbled to leah as we walked home from school. i pulled my bag more up my shoulder as she rolled her eyes and laughed at me.

"yeah that divorce must be hitting him hard. even he don't care about science anymore and he was the only one who liked it." leah shrugged, tapping away at her phone as we talked. it was friday and i was sleeping round leahs tonight for a 'girls night'. leah was constantly trying to keep me distracted from the fact it was a week till christmas and judd still hadn't came home. she assumed i was thinking the worst, which i was. i was almost fully convinced he somehow had grown a ponytail and been stabbed by the elusive ponytail killer.

"mom said we can order a chinese for dinner and said she was baking some of her famous brownies." leah informed me, beginning to pull her keys out of her pocket and unlocking the door. i grinned and nudged her.

"you know the way to my heart, don't you leah. better calm down or i'm gonna have to take you right-" i interrupted myself by tripping over a shoe. a muddy, black boot. my heart stopped as i stared at it with wide eyes. leah smiled and pulled me up into a hug as she squealed and bounced me around.

"judd's home! i bet he's got some big romantic-" leah cut herself off once we walked into the kitchen, the sight rendering her speechless. judd was stood at the back door holding a cigarette. he took a long drag before passing it to the short girl planted next to him. she had lime green hair which was half up to her shoulder and the other half shaved. she had multiple piercings, on her lips, ears, eyebrows and septum. she had the similar bored look on her face and dead brown eyes which judd usually had. his arm was draped across her waist.

"oh, leah! bella!" diane scurried across the kitchen and over to us, a worried look in her eye. she hugged me, as if to put me in a protective bubble to save me from any hurt. it wasn't working.

"who the hell is this judd?" leah folded her arms over her chest, glaring at her brother and new... girlfriend? fuck buddy? friend?

"harriet." he bluntly responded, refusing to look towards me. i swallowed a large bubble in my throat and cleared it.

"can i talk to you for a minute judd?" i asked him, trying to keep my voice as steady as possible. his green eyes finally met mine, but no emotion was held in them.

"why?" my blood started to boil. why? why? maybe because the last time i saw you, you had me tied to your bed and blind folded whilst-

"really? i didn't want to embarrass you infront of harriet." i said her name like it was something dirty. i shouldn't have, but i couldnt help it. he didn't reply to me as he just pulled out another cigarette and lit it even though harriet was just putting their other one out.

"don't ignore me judd." i stomped up to him, no longer able to contain my anger. harriet gave me a weird look as i did so, but i ignored her.

"what do you want isabella?" he blew smoke in my face. but not in a teasing way, in a way which he knew would just piss me off.

"hmmm. i wonder! you disappear for like a month without any word, when the last time i saw you was when you was naked and on top of me. now, you're back with whoever the fuck this is and you have the cheek to ask what i want?" my voice progressively got louder and louder, until i was practically screaming in his face. he seemed unfazed.

"you're not my girlfriend." that was it. i landed a cold slap across his face, all my annoyance being put into it. he rolled his eyes and flicked the half-smoked cigarette away. he grabbed harriets hand and began dragging her upstairs, his door slamming behind them.