live a little - j.birch

f o r t y - t h r e e

"he was drawing leah. drawing!" i ran my hand through my hair before pulling my bag further up my shoulder. leah and i were strolling back to her house, a place i had been avoiding this last week, though i couldn't do so forever. the birch's were practically my second family after all. i couldn't stay away forever when elliott and diane cared more about me then my own parents, and when leah was my best friend. i'd just have to suck it up and ignore judd, just like he had been doing to me all week.

he'd barely shown his face at school since we last spoke. i saw him once in the hall, stood by his locker talking to oliver. oliver gave me a small wave with a tight smile, which made judd turn to me. as soon as those jade orbs locked onto my eyes they hardened and left my sights. leah said he didn't return back to school that day.

"are you sure he was drawing? maybe he was just working on his manifesto." leah tried to reason, though i vigorously shook my head. i still couldn't wrap my head around the whole situation. it just brought a light to my eyes; judd and i didn't know each other past a surface level. not really. and yet we were doing this exhausting game of cat and mouse. for what?

"no leah, it was drawing. he wasn't doing letters. i couldn't see what it was from his bed but it was definitely a drawing. but the weirdest part is that he slammed the book shut and threw the pen away. and acted like nothing strange happened! if he can't share things like his interests with me then what's the point in our whole-" the word relationship wouldn't leave my lips. i choked on the word. we weren't ever a couple, not really.

"that's just judd though bella." a scoff left my lips before i could help it. i was sick of having to suck up being treated a certain way by men just because 'that's just who they are'. i accepted all of bradley's shit and was falling down a similar rabbit hole with judd. i couldn't do it to myself anymore.

"no leah, judd is the knife obsession, the raccoon training-"

"the what?" i ignored her and continued.

"the reckless driving and the metal music. all of that is judd. the way he's being with me is a wall he's put up to everyone to keep everyone away. and frankly, i'm sick of trying to break through. i'll end up breaking myself before i destroy those walls." i finished my sentence as leah let us into her house, the heavenly scent of elliott's cooking flooding my nostrils. the scent alone was enough to ease a small part of the tension in my shoulders. leah led me to the kitchen where elliott was plating up a spaghetti meal whilst diane was pouring their first glasses of red wine for the evening.

"hello girls! how are you both?" diane beamed, taking a large gulp from her glass. i left both mine and judd's recent developments at the door and planted a bright smile on my face, offering her a hug.

"we're good, how're you diane?" i grabbed two of the plates from the side and placed them where they belonged on the table, silently offering my help. elliott gave me a side hug as i went back to the kitchen to collect another two plates, kissing the side of my head before i left.

"i've been looking forward to this glass of wine all day, let me just say that." diane chuckled. i offered a warm smile, though i wished she offered me a glass to ease the ball of nerves making their way up my throat.

elliott brought in the last two plates, indicating all 6 of us were eating. i don't think a more awkward encounter would have occurred at the birch table then this one as i noticed leah and nick had sat together, diane sitting opposite nick but beside elliott at the head of the table. this meant the final two seats were placed directly next to each other: one for me, and one for judd.

i apprehensively took the seat beside diane and opposite leah, leaving judds seat empty for him for when he decided to show up. we couldn't avoid each other any longer.