Diary of a Schizophrenic (Maddening Series: Book 1)

February 20, 2011: Sunday

A/N: I can't begin to thank you guys for all this support. I'm so glad it speaks to you guys. I hope you enjoy.

February 20, 2011: Sunday

2:01 PM

Dear Napkin,

I don’t want to call you diary, because you’re not my diary. You are a napkin, therefore you are Napkin. I hurt myself. I hurt myself bad.

I was helping my mom cut things in the kitchen to help her prepare food that she said was going to be yummy and make me want to eat again. That’s such a wasted attempt, but in silence I helped her. We were being watched by knives in my mom’s pretty set. I had already gotten acquainted myself with three of them.

The big one was Steve. Steve was my favorite.

As I was chopping away with Steve, I had a vision. A beautiful, but sad vision. It was about a girl named Lily. Well, Lily had just gotten a boutique and for her boutique, she ordered these really red shirts that looked great on skinny people and these really white and really skinny pants.

One day, a sailor comes in to the store and asks for a sailor suit. Well, since Lily didn’t have a sailor suit, she tells the sailor to buy the white pants and the red shirts and dye it white. So he bought all of them, and dyed them, and then they turned PINK!

Well, staring at the pink shirts, the sailor finally decides to come out of the closet and embrace his true self now that he was on the sea. He went to Mexico and met a beautiful man named Fernando, and together they lived so happily ever after.

But then I went back to Lily, in her empty little boutique. Her clothes were gone, clothes she never got to wear. She never got to wear them because she was too FAT. And too UGLY. She bought them as inspiration to lose the weight, they became her dear friends, and now they were gone. And as I saw her sitting in the corner of her little boutique, crying, I began to cry too. I cried so hard, I took Steve with me and ran.

And, blinded by tears, I accidentally ran into the wall.

And I hurt myself. Real bad. Well, not that bad. I needed stitches on my belly. It didn’t hurt anything inside of me, but I wish it did. Maybe it then would have been taken out of me. The less of me, the better.

I lay in a stranger’s bed right now, writing, and I think of Lily.

I left her all alone, crying in her little boutique.

Love, Sleeping Elsewhere Tonight