Diary of a Schizophrenic (Maddening Series: Book 1)

January 21, 2011: Friday

A/N: I might update once more today, I don't know yet. (: Depends on you guys! Feedback appreciated! Vote if you like it!

January 21, 2011: Friday

9:23 PM

Dear diary,

112 pounds! I’m getting there. Tears welled in my eyes. I’m actually getting there. Anorexia told me I was still FaT and UgLy. I wasn’t good enough until I was under 100 pounds. I wanted to be b o n y and f r a g i l e like her. 

Mother was taking me out to eat on SuNdAy. I didn’t want to! I WANT TO BE SKINNY, MOTHER. GOING OUT TO EAT WILL NOT MAKE ME SKINNY. I’ll bring Bulimia along. She’ll help me. I know she will. 

I ate nothing but a carrot today. Ugh, even that was disgusting. Addie and I did bake a cake though. Anorexia scolded me for it though and made me throw it out.

I was going to indulge myself? Of course not. I would have gotten Bulimia to help me out afterwards like always.

I was going to be happy with myself? As if. Depression would make sure that it would have been otherwise.

As I was “discussing” this with her, my mother came in and told me to stop TaLkInG with MySeLf. I’M NOT TALKING TO MYSELF. Say HI, Anorexia. Why won’t you say hi to my mother? She called me CrAzY. I’m NOT crazy. I cried. Depression comforted me again.

Pointless.

Stupid.

Useless.

I know. It’s all I am. It’s all I can be. Help me become a better person. Hope told me she was trying. I didn’t need her help. It would get me n o w h e r e.

Well... it’s kinda where I am anyways.

Love, Trapped