Diary of a Schizophrenic (Maddening Series: Book 1)

January 10, 2011: Monday

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January 10, 2011: Monday

3:34 PM

Dear diary,

SCHOOL SUCKS. UGH. WHY DO I EVEN HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL? Doesn’t everyone go to school just for their friends? Well, my friends don’t need to go to school. Why should I?

Blah.

I didn’t eat anything today! Anorexia nodded once when I told her, a sign of approval. I couldn’t wait to be like her. Both her and Bulimia. They were both so gorgeous. Everything about them was perfect, from their toes to their hair. They were perfect.

I want to be perfect.

Depression was p.r.e.t.t.y. too, I’d say. She was awfully blurry and hard to see. But I think she is p.r.e.t.t.y.

Hope was pale. She wasn’t as THIN as the others. She had to be thin. I told her before, time and time again. She had to be thin. She didn’t listen to me. She’ll never be p.r.e.t.t.y. like Anorexia and Bulimia.

I had to get on the scale today. I hate the scale. Anorexia scolded me if I didn’t meet my goal. Bulimia disapproved too, but at least she wasn’t so mean about it. Anorexia was so m e a n sometimes. But she was p.r.e.t.t.y. So it’s okay.

Hope told me not to do it. She said I was “perfect” the way I was. I’m not “perfect.” Anorexia told her to shut up. I told her to shut up as well. Hope stayed quiet.

I weighed 116 pounds last time. I’m 5’7. The doctor told me I was on the LoWeR end of average. I don’t want average. I want THIN.

I’m 114 pounds now. YAY. I’m getting there. Anorexia eyed the scale with distrust. Why are you frowning, Anorexia? I’m THINNER. Isn’t that GOOD, Anorexia? Why won’t you approve for once? Why won’t you smile? I’m doing everything you tell me to. I love you, Anorexia, you’re one of my only true friends. Why don’t you love me too?

Hope told me it’s because I don’t love myself. Shut up, Hope, nobody asked you.

I’m going to be skinny.

I’m going to be thin.

I’m going to be p.r.e.t.t.y.

I’m bored. Lalalalalalala... Depression gave me a razor blade to play with. I wonder what to do with it? H.e.l.p. m.e.

Love, Razors and Scales