euphoria. (hs)

60

Hi I'm shit at updating now because senior year is stressing me out along with I have somewhat of a social life now because somehow a guy likes me and asked me out and that guy is my boyfriend. 

The last couple of days Harry had become distant with me. I didn't know exactly what I had done to upset him. I don't know if maybe Sunday night's little banter about marriege is still stuck on his mine, but we made up after wards. 

Not only that but work is stressing me out. On Tuesday, I foudn out there may be a chance of me being deployed over seas again. I mean before I wouldn't care so much because well, I don't really know. But now that I have Harry just feel like I can't, and if I do have to leave it is going to be so hard on me. 

I can barely stand a few hours with out Harry texting me, as much as I hate to admit it I'm falling for him, and I'm falling hard. I wouldn't consider myself dependent on him needing his attention just to make me happy, but I crave it. 

I've slept in the same bed with Harry for about two months now and I can't sleep right if I'm not near him. How am I supposed to do that for a few months if I leave? I know I'll have to go through with the deplyment, I have said in it really. 

I drove over towards Kaites dorm just needing someone to talk to. I pulled up and parked my car feeling stressed as ever. I walked into the dormatory knocking on her and Tammy's door. Katie peaked her head out and her eyes widened once she saw me. 

"Lace, hey come in." She said opening the door. 

"it's just you here, right?" I questioned. She nodded her head ushering me to sit down. I complied laying on her matress. I took my hair out of my bun and set my hat down. "What's up?" She questioned. I laid flat on my back on her bed, 

"I may be getting deployed again." I started off. Katie shut her math text book looking at me. "What?" She questioned. "Yeah, I found out yesterday." She remained quiet wanting me to continue. "I don't know what to do. I mean I know it's mandatory that I have to go, but I don't know how I'm going to tell anyone else." 

"So I'm the only one thst knows?" She questioned. I nodded my head. She withdrew an air of breath, I.. I don't really know what to say. You're going to have to tell him soon before it's too late." "I know, he's just become distant these past couple of days and I don't want him to blow up on me if I ask him if everything's alright." 

"Maybe he's not trying to be distant on purpose. I mean they are going through finals right now and then next will be graduation. Just give it some time and he'll be back on track in no time." I nodded my head understadning. "I'm just scared on how he'll react when I'll tell him. I can be gone up to a year, what if he can't wait that long to see me." 

"If he really likes you he could wait that long." I looked away feeling doubtful, "I don't think he could." Katie stared at me with sadness in her eyes. "If it makes you feel better at first I thought Niall did not like me at all. He always teased me and then one night he sat down with me and we talked and got to know so much about each other." 

"I feel like we barely know anything about each other, I think we only got close with one another is because of that whole pyhsco bitch's fault." "Lace now you know that's a lie." I looked away, "I think I love him, I'm so scared to scare him because he already accused me of being too clingy when I was only being curious." Katie looked at me with sadness. 

"Is that why you're scared to leave?" "No, I'm scared that he'll back away from me in fright. And when I leave he'll take his chance to get away from me." I answered honestly. Katie stared at me with sadness, "Why do you think he'll do that?" "He freaked out when I brought marreige, just bringing up how Brandon proposed to Emerald. I think he's scared of commitment." 

"I just think he doesn't know that much about relationships just like how you don't either." "Yeah I guess, I don't know anymore," I said with sadness. 

"He makes me feel things, he brings out so many emotions. He pisses me off the point to where I have to laugh at myself for over reacting so much. He makes me laugh all the time to where I have to get up from changing my pants. He makes me feel so safe when I'm with him like I'm invensible and he's my protector." 

"You need to tell him how you feel." I got up from her bed and looked at her, "I'm going to to right now."