just a book of random imagines or oneshots based on simon and josh :)
will be smut and mature content throughout
yes it's all in lowercase fight me
**first published 19th oct 2021**
**completed**
a/n // hey look guys it's my best friend thesaurus.com i know josh has spoken about this once or twice and so i wanted to write a lil chapter about it :)
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breathe, josh, just keep breathing.
cascades of water flowed across josh's pale skin and down the shower drain, the noise only partially distracting him from the mess that was currently in his mind.
it's fine. you're safe, nothings gonna happen to you, just keep breathing.
his whole body trembled with fear, of what exactly he didn't seem too sure of, but continued reminding himself of the breathing exercises he'd found on youtube.
therapy could always be considered as an option; he had the time and money to easily be able to go at any time, however talking about his issues made him feel pathetic.
that, and the idea of anyone else finding out about his anxiety made him want to curl up with embarrassment.
he'd suffered with the condition for a long time now, the shower becoming a common reoccurrence for his panic attacks to take place, but he'd rather it be somewhere he could lock the door and have his own privacy.
it was easily manageable elsewhere, nothing was necessarily needed as a trigger for an attack, bar a few exceptions where he had to slink away for 20 minutes or so whilst he calmed down.
but, if he was by himself for a while with no distractions, that left his brain open to all kinds of drastic thoughts about theoretically possible scenarios that, in reality, were never going to happen.
that made him more susceptible to an attack, which is why the shower, which had little to no distractions from his mind, was the most common place for it to happen.
he was now sliding down the cold tiles of the wall, seating himself of the floor as he brought his hands to his head, as his legs were becoming unable to hold his weight for much longer.
having a substantial fear of death was never ideal, especially when you're the oldest one of your friends and everyone online bullies you for having greying hair.
he knew they were jokes, but also having anxiety was never going to create an ideal mix, which is why josh was now sat naked, on the floor of his shower and struggling to breathe, gasping as quietly as possible so he didn't alert anyone else.
he knew simon was on the other side of the door - and yes, he hadn't even told his own boyfriend about the problems he was facing on his own.
there had been a few close calls where josh had started to panic whilst they were together, simply saying he had an important phone call to take and leaving the room for some time, before returning to see a suspicious simon quizzing him on his whereabouts.
yes, it was the 21st century, but there was still so much stigma surrounding men's mental health and he thought the other boys would just find him to be lame or weak.
