Lost (Paul Lahote story)

Stop fighting it!

Saturday and Sunday were a blur. I patrolled both days. The good thing was that I was able to keep my thoughts to myself. The bad was that Paul, Leah, Embry and Brady were patrolling with me. I went the farthest away from them and shut my mind off like I always did. It kept them from finding me, but not from asking me all these questions.

The moment I saw Paul's thought, I grew angry. I didn't want see any of it. I understood why he cared.

"Paul! Go back to Sam's and have Collin take your place!"

That was the only time I spoke to them. I knew I hurt him, but it was for the best.

"What a bitch."

"Shut up Leah!"

They just made me feel even worse. But how can I stand around and see the way he feels about me when I don't even feel the same way. Let alone everyone else can also see it.

The only ones I spoke to from the pack was my brother, Sam and Jake. I went Monday through Wednesday ignoring them. Now it's Thursday. The bell just rang for lunch. I didn't show up to the table until they were all in line getting lunch, and since I was behind on work because we've been patrolling for Bella. I continued ignoring them when they tried speaking to me when they came back.

"So what? Just because you're an Alpha you think you're too good to speak to any of us now!" Jared yelled slamming his lunch tray on the table.

"Shut up! You sure as hell know that's not true!" I yelled.

I looked up at him really angry. I didn't realize how angry I had gotten until I started shaking really badly. The next I knew, we were both fighting in the middle of the cafeteria. I was on top of him punching him until Jake walked in and came to get me off of him.

I was not only angry, but upset and ashamed of myself. I had to leave before I phased in front of the whole school. I didn't even bother grabbing my stuff.

When I walked inside my house, Sam was already there with Billy. So I knew the school called.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing! Can you back off!"

"We've gave you enough time! You need to control yourself and stop acting this way. Do you realize that you're not only hurting Paul but also the pack?"

"No, I'm not. I would have felt it. Why should I even care for some I don't have feelings for?!"

"Is that what you think? Think about it. You clearly made Collin take is spot. And there's a reason for that. Stop fighting it! It will not end well for both of you. You know what will happen."

"I don't want to talk about it!" I just left Sam and Billy there.

How could I be with someone when I don't know what I want? A part of me wanted to leave but there was the other part where I wanted Paul.

Jared and I ended up getting suspended, but because I started it I had two more days then he did.
And for that, uncle Billy made Sam put us on patrol together until we fixed things. Which went terribly horrible. He wouldn't shut up. All I could see was the memories he had of Paul talking about me. He knew how i don't feel that way, yet he did it to make me angry. Which ended in us fighting a few more times.