butterflies 🦋

since i was thirteen

i don't know how to love myself
love my thick thighs, my huge stomach,
love my fat toes, my wide feet
love my weird eyebrows, my double chin

i do know how to hate myself
hate my thick thighs, my huge stomach
hate my fat toes, my wide feet
hate my weird eyebrows, my double chin

thoughts come to mind when i'm alone
lies they whisper
to trick and deceive me
a voice that has haunted me for years

from eighth grade through present
like an old friend coming to visit
a bad friend
weaving in and out of your life

hiding behind baggy shirts
and jeans to hide my skin
that i have been ashamed of
since i was thirteen

i try not to listen
drown them out with music
but they come back louder

and louder

and louder

and louder

mirrors are dangerous
my reflection is my worst enemy
seeing something i could never love
ever