butterflies 🦋

slipping through the cracks

i feel myself slipping through the cracks
over and over
again and again
and i don't know if i can find my way back

too many times now
gone for so fucking long
and i don't recognize the girl
staring back at me now

greasy hair and chapped lips
stained teeth and wrinkled clothes
starving or binging- no in between
bags under eyes and dirty skin

late nights with red eyes
crying in my pillow
feeling so alone and
quiet, numb, and empty inside

and i find my way back to her
the girl i play pretend
but pretend days don't last
and suddenly i'm lost again

it's so dark being alone
and i want to see
i want the light again
and i want to be seen

i want to be seen
and heard and listened
i want the numb to numb out
i want to be happy again

i want to sleep with a heart full
of love and peace and a sense of calm
and not heavy with hurt and guilt
from hating myself

i want the cracks to be filled
and i never want to slip again