butterflies 🦋

always just

sun-lit living room
green sheets and a lollipop
here on the couch
our dad made up

the last thing i remember about you

almost a decade passed
and you've never called
these family pictures
tell a million different stories

it sucks i can't remember a damn thing

your online life is different
from what I've known
i only see you through
a cracked screen

never had an older sister to call my own

i send you messages
always ignored
words from my heart of hurt
always left on delivered

i wonder all the damn time if you ever think of me

you left during the party
gone before anyone could see
never planned to stay
or wish a "happy birthday"

why did you have to go and run?

i miss you more and more
every single fucking day
and now you're more
than seven states away

you have a life i'm no longer apart of

i try to wield myself back
follow you on instagram
keep tabs on your life
and try to be your sister again

but none of that helps

doesn't make up for the fact
you left us broken hearted
doesn't get rid of the feeling
of not being wanted

i hope all's well
with your new family
and i wish these bygones
could just be

i don't have any hate
but i hope
every father's day
you feel nothing but shame

cause of us all you broke his heart the most

always just a faded memory
i can't remember to forget

always just a 1000 miles away
no chance of running into you

always just a stranger
a sister i don't know anymore

you're always just... always just