butterflies 🦋

empty shell

empty and numb
cold-hearted
frozen to the touch

happy days are payments
and i'm far behind
on rent

passions turned hobbies
hobbies turned chores
don't know what i like anymore

staring at a screen for hours
a blank page and
nothing written down

half-hearted laughter
and make-pretend smiles
gullible of my euphoric demeanor

i've taken out too many loans
on temporary happiness
and i wound up all alone

if i were standing face-to-face
with my 18-year-old self
i'd say: "i'm sorry we turned out this way"

asking for help with hands tied
and my mouth bound shut
slowly decaying inside

"turn to God and give your worries up"
but if i did that I'd just be
an empty shell