butterflies 🦋

kissing a stranger

older
but not wiser
attraction that was one-sided
blinded by attention and innocent flirting
she had never experienced at
nineteen

attraction and attention
that soon turned sneaky and vile
and stomach-turning
coming in when she was alone
working late nights
to work his snake-like charmings 

thirty and flirty
feeling confident only because
he had poisoned her head
with empty words
despite being older
he was the one acting like a teenager
using cheesy lines to get her number

she stupidly gave him
sneaking around for a first kiss
she would soon regret
leaving with empty promises
to call her later
that were broken and redeemed
by a doomed-from-the-start morning text

but all night she was tossing and turning
hating herself and feeling guilty
for kissing a stranger
an older man
someone she barely knew
and she felt disgusted with herself
growing slowly scared of commitment
and being intimate

so she told him how she felt
how they moved too fast
and how she wasn't ready
and "I think it'd be better if we stayed friends"
but she didn't want to be friends
she never wanted to see him again

funny how rejection
changes a man's mind
twisting his words around
saying, "I wasn't really getting my hopes up"
and "whatever happens happens"

thirty and creepy
complimenting the kiss
"I really liked your lips"
and asking for a photo
to save to his gallery

and they never spoke another word
but he still visits her at work
where she avoids eye contact

because she is traumatized
by this inconvenience
forever scared of future commitment
and future kisses