No matter how hard you try (Licorice cookie x reader)

Huh? (P12)

(Song is Honeybee by steam powered giraffes cover by apartment sessions)
(Why was their so much sleeping in the last few chapters? I guess we'll never know. And also this might be slightly angst. Not way to bad, mainly just some self loathing, but other than that's it's basically just fluff! sorry about that)
LICORICE POV
I open my eyes, taking in the scenery of my room. As I glance to my side, I see y/n, their head resting on my shoulder...
"Ah!" I jump back in my seat, causing y/n to jerk their head up.
"Oh my goodness! I am so sorry!" They profusely apologized, getting up from their spot, but I was slowly trying to recollect what on earth could have lead up to this.
I didn't know how to feel, how to think, how to act, how to do anything basically. I was at a loss for words. I was filled with sadness, anger, and embarrassment...at myself?
Why did I do this? I can't let my guard down, not now, not ever. I shouldn't feel like this.
I'm supposed to do better
I'm supposed to be better...
Y/n suddenly stops their apologizing, noticing my expression:
"H-hey licorice...are you okay?" They slightly bend down, their face filled with genuine sorrow and concern. How do they do it? How do they care so much for someone like me?
I want to answer with the truth, the fear, the anguish, the doubt...yet no words are coming to me.
Anyways, why should they care? why should I care? All they are is a random person I picked up out of pity. Not my therapist, not anyone important...just a random person...
"Hey? You good?" Y/n tapped me again, their voice stern yet very concerned. Why can't I answer... typical of me, spiraling at any minor event. To scared to even answer a simple question. Funny? Huh? I shouldn't worry them. Just answer the question licorice. Just say your good. Just do it. Are you to weak or something? JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION! YOU GODDAMN FOOL JUST ANSWER IT WILL YOU?! JUST-
Suddenly I am pulled into a hug. Before I am quickly let go again, panic filling y/n's face as they realized what they've done.
"I am so sorry, I wasn't thinking! With your prior responses to stuff like that, I shouldn't have done that, or i should've just asked, I am so sorry-" y/n suddenly let out a string of apologies about the hug, they seemed very mad at themselves, but before they finish, I mindlessly say:
"Do it again" WHAT? Why did I say that? Am I dumb? Stupid?
"What?" Y/n stops their apologizing, and sits there confused.
"Do it again..." I look y/n in the eye "please?" why did I say it again? I'm such an idiot! I'm not supposed to feel like this!
Y/n hesitates, but then complies, pulling me into a second hug. Their arms were cold due to being in my freezing room all night without a blanket, yet everything else about them was warm, their smile, their eyes, their personality, everything. I just feel so much at the moment, like there's a pit in my stomach, that is somehow empty yet full. As I slowly wrap my arms around their back as a tear falls from my eye, then another, and another, until I just can't stop crying. Their hands slowly rub my back, trying to comfort me, yet nothing could stop my tears at this point. I tried to thank them, yet it felt as if there was a knot in my throat keeping me from speaking, the only sounds escaping being my quiet sobs. It felt nice. It felt nice to be cared about, to actually be seen, to actually have someone on your side that's not a 6 year old that has an obsession with mushrooms. I... feel nice. After a bit, my tears started to dry up, but I still didn't want this embrace to end. If I could, I would make this moment last forever, but no matter how good this feels.
All good things must come to an end...
Y/n slowly lets me go, yet they linger for a second to make sure I am okay with it. No matter how much I don't want to, but I also don't want to keep them like this forever, so I slowly let them go, but not before I give them one more quick hug.
"You know, you apologize a lot." I chuckle through my last few tears. They let out a small hum in response.
I slowly slip my arms from the embrace, letting out a small breath. I look at y/n, a small smile on my face as I wipe away the last of my tears. They look up at me, it seems as if they had something to say, so I just nod to show they could talk.
"You should really wash that robe" y/n giggled, before giving me a grin. I didn't know what to say, so I just roll my eyes sarcastically. They put their arm on my sleeve
"though really, if you need anything, you can talk to me!" They pull me into one last hug, before letting me go again...
God their smile is beautiful.
______________________________
Omg thank you for 2K reads! It means a lot! I hope you all have a good day/night!