The Student Therapist

Chapter 25

My mom wasn't as much of a mess as I had been expecting. Instead of providing me any solace for some reasons, it scared me. It made me realize how numb to the fear she had become, how used to the feeling that she could lose a loved one she was.

She wore an expression of pure exhaust. Dark circles under her swollen eyes, wrapped tightly in her cardigan, and holding herself with her arms. When I saw her, I immediately realized that I couldn't crumble. I had to hold it together and be with her instead of leaving her alone.

"What happened?" I ask her the second I see her.

Nayeon had explained to me what happened in the car ride towards home. When my mother couldn't grt ahold of me, she called Nayeon to reach me. Jisoo was sitting at home with her when she suddenly exprienced such an intense pain that she couldn't breathe and rendered het faint which made her collapse.

Her condition is worsening, my mom had told Nayein and she told me now. Things aren't looking good.

She was in emergency surgery and no, we couldn't see her. No, we don't know how long she will be in there for. No, her chances aren't in her favor. She answered all of my questions in the same heartbroken tone, just soft enough for me to decipher what she said.

We sat in the waiting room for hours. After the first two, Nayeon unformed me that she had to drive back to school because she had a flight to her aunts house in the afternoon tomorrow. She held me so tightly that I was momentarily worried that my back would break, but then she let go and I was alone with my mom again.

After another hour, my mom excused herself to to get coffee.

"Do you want me to come with you?" I ask eagerly, my voice hoarse from the lack of conversation between us.

She stood up and pulles her cardigan around herself. "No, I need to be alone for a little while sweetie. Are you okay up here by yourself?"

I understand the feeling of needing to be alone. I hadn't shed a single tear since arriving, solely for the sake of trying to keep my hopes and my mothers sanity alive. I desparetely wanted to let all of the tears fall without her seeing, so without giving it much thought past my selfishness, I nodded.

"I'll be okay." I tell her.

She nods once and walks off slowly. The second her figure disappeared around the corner, the floodgates collapsed and I broke down into my own hands. I drew my knees to my chest while sitting in the chair and crossed my arms around them, then slowly lowered ny own face so that nobody could see the tears fall.

My back shook with each ragged breath I drew as I wondered if this was the end of Jisoo's journey. She was too young to have been through so many treatment rotations, doctors and nurses, hospital beds, and pain. She was robber of her childhood and this is how fate was deciding to repay her for all of her suffering.

Sometimes between cursing the way the world works and sobbing into my knees, I cried myself to sleep on the waiting room chair. When I finally did wake up, it was to a hand being placed on the top of my back rubbing back and forth gently. I vaguely heard someone call my name while I was coming to, but when memoried of the day flooded back to me. I lifted my head eagerly, expecting to meet my mothers gaze.

Instead, I was met with the ocean of worry in Lisa's eyes.

"Lisayah?" I ask groggily, my eyebrows drawin together in pure confusion as I stretch my legs. "What are you doing here?"

She slowly loweres herself into the seat next to me as her eyes scan my face, darkening a little at what she found. Lisa lifts her hands gingerly to my face and wipes under my eyes and my cheeks gently. I voluntarily lean into her touch and close my eyes. Somehow, some sense of calm settled within me.