Written In The Stars ☑️

CHAPTER 8

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Breakfast was a nightmare.

I tried very hard to put up an unaffected face but mind and heart just won't cooperate. I ate silently and a little bit faster than usual. I wanted to leave the house as quickly as I possible. Being there with Mew makes me emotional and it's scaring me. I might break down and cry any moment.

Mew was equally quiet. He just ate his food and was not saying anything.

I glanced at him. I couldn't help it. His head was hung. He was just looking at his food the whole time. He didn't even look at me when he entered the dining room earlier. His eyes looked swollen, too. He looked terrible. I somehow felt bad.

Mom broke the silence some time later. "Mew, how's your preparations? Have you found a good location already?"

I glanced at him again. He stopped eating and but didn't answer right away. after a few seconds, he looked up to mom and smiled.

The smile did not even reach his eyes, who is he kidding?

I went on munching my food, acting uninterested.

This should be a red flag to mom, though. She's always quick to notice when Mew and I argue or squabble. She would make us reconcile every single time. I could swear she definitely noticed the cold air but she just chose not to intervene. This is new.

"Not yet, Ma. I'm... I'm still deciding. It's still a long way to go. I have to carefully plan everything," he answered.

I could swear he glanced at me for a moment before he went back to his food.

Mom smiled. "At least you're starting. Everything gets done with just tiny little steps. I'm proud of you, son. I'm just here for you."

Mew smiled again.

How insincere. He can leave now for all I care.

I gulped down water from the glass in front of me. It was full, I almost choked. I cleared my throat and stood up from my seat. "I'll go ahead, Ma," I told her. I did not spare a glance at Mew at all.

"I'll drive you to school, Gulf."

I was surprised by his offer so I instantly looked at his direction. He was looking at me with pleading eyes. I guess he'll beg me to stay with him again. I looked away. I have made my decision. I shouldn't be swayed. Not now, Gulf. You can do it!

"No, thanks. I can manage." I simply said before walking away.

I left them both. I didn't see how mom looked at Mew who immediately looked down after my rejection, painfully holding himself back from crying.

*****
The whole day in school was a disaster. I couldn't focus in our class discussions. I decided to stay in the library and sleep my heartaches out the whole afternoon. There, I stayed in a corner and just cried for as long as I can remember. My heart hurts. My head hurts. I was thinking of Mew the whole time. What else can I do?

I checked my phone. He didn't send me any text message. He also didn't try to call.

I feel so down and so confused.

He said he wanted me to stay beside him. He begged me not to leave him. What is this? Why isn't he doing anything? Is he really letting go?

I cried even more. I don't understand what I feel anymore.

I want him to reach for his dreams.

But I also want him to stay and not leave...

I don't want him moving to the city. I don't want him to be with Amanda. That girl sure likes him. I can tell from her flirty smiles and little touches. Is Mew dumb or what? I don't want him to leave me. This is madness. This is selfishness but it's what I want.

"Hey, are you okay?"

I was sitting down, my head resting down on my arms on the table. I didn't have to look up to know who it was. "Go away." I snapped.

Boss pulled a chair and sat beside me. "You've been staying here all afternoon. This is overstaying. The librarian has her eyes on you already." he said, shaking my shoulders, trying to lighten the mood. I'm sure he can tell I do not feel good.

"Leave. I'll stay here a little bit longer."

"Come on. Aren't you hungry?"

I shook my head.

Boss poked on my shoulder and was trying to see my face. "Hey, I can tell you've been crying. What's wrong? I promise I won't tell Top and Jeff, they're nosier than me. They won't stop pestering you."

I didn't answer. I kept my head down. I kept sniffing. That must probably be the reason why Boss figured out I was crying. He shouldn't see me like this. I'll kill him if he sees me like this.

I heard him sigh. "Let's go out. My treat. Come on."

I still didn't move nor say anything.

He sighed again. He was silent for a couple of minutes before speaking again. "Okay. I won't force you if you don't want to. I guess you also need this quiet time to think things over." He then tapped my shoulder and squeezed it gently. "I'm here for you, okay? I care about you. Whatever you decide to do, I'll support you."

And my tears just wouldn't stop.

I felt even more distraught.

I didn't go home after class. I went to Boss's house. We played mobile games. I ate dinner with his family. After dinner, I asked him to play again. He immediately complied without being nosy and annoying. I guess he also really wanted me to have fun after a day filled with tears and unhappiness.

It was past eleven when he finally started asking me to go home.

"We still have classes tomorrow. You need to go home. It's late! I need my beauty sleep."

I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to see Mew. I wouldn't be able to handle my emotions if I did. I'm also scared. "Can I sleep here?" I asked him.

He laughed out loud. "Are you for real? Why do you look afraid? HAHAHA! Go home, you idiot! It's about time now."

"About time for what?"

And just like in the movies, we heard a honk coming from outside.

Boss smiled at me. "Your driver is here. Go home now."

"Driver?"

"Sorry, friend. I texted Mew and told him to pick you up. I'm really sleepy, you know. Go and talk to him. Don't run away from your problems."

Can I strangle a friend? Shit!

*****
It was a quiet drive home. Uncomfortable silence filled the air. Nobody tried to say anything. Mew just kept a straight face while driving. I looked out of the window the whole time. I couldn't look at him because of nerves.

When we got home, I immediately ran upstairs and inside my bedroom. I didn't want to talk to him. I wasn't ready to talk to him. I thought I've already made a decision but in all honesty, I'm still fucking confused. I still don't know what to do.

I waited.

I foolishly waited for Mew to maybe barge into my room.

I think I've gone terribly insane.

And when he didn't, my shoulders dropped. I felt even more miserable.

I never knew I was capable of feeling so much pain until that very moment. My heart ached with pity for myself. My heart ached thinking of Mew going away.

I cannot lose him.

I just can't...

:(( Hang in there, Gulfie!